In my last post, I discussed what marriage was, and a bit of why it was a good thing to seek. I promised readers that my next post would be on what to look for in a wife. Although I’m not one to consciously break promises, this one I will postpone. Instead, this post I’m going to focus on what comes even before deciding what to look for in a wife. This time, we’ll talk about being ready for a relationship, and eventually marriage.
There are many schools of thought regarding readiness, so keep that in mind. I will set forth my ideas on readiness, which are an amalgamation of others. There are a few basics, and some options, so take with a grain of salt.
The first, foremost, and required part of being ready for a relationship that leads towards marriage is a complete and total dedication to Christ and His will. Marriage is wonderful, and is to be desired, but as soon as that becomes our life’s goal, it becomes an idol, and sinful. As a very wise woman once told me, “Run straight to Christ. Then, look around, and see who is running next to you.” If you are dedicated to Christ, you’ll already be gaining many of the other parts of readiness, while still glorifying Christ. This is essential, and I cannot stress it enough – as soon as you take your eyes off the prize (Christ), you will start sinking like Peter did on the water. A complete and total dedication to HIS will, and not YOURS will lead you to a beautiful marriage.
Some of the other things that seeking Christ will bring are wisdom, patience, and Christlikeness – all essentials! The Bible says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church – so, become like Christ!
Now, the rest of this post will be primarily the practical side of things. This is, to some degree, tougher, in that it is different for each person. There is no checklist to see if you are ready. What I prescribe is the following contemplations and practices, though.
When could you get married? Will it be five years? Ten? Realize the difficulty of long-term relationships. They are not impossible, as I have known several Godly couples who dated for years and years before getting married, and did fine. The issue is, can you do fine? If you were to enter into a relationship today, could you stay pure and focused on Christ until you were married? If not, then you aren’t ready. Be honest with yourself. Many people skip this part – “I want to be in a relationship, therefore I am ready” is a fallacy in logic. Most people aren’t ready for more than a year or two of serious dating before marriage. And that’s okay – dating is a means to an end (marriage), not the end itself!
Do the wise and Godly counsel that God has put around you (parents, elders, mature friends) think you are ready? Many of these people will have insight into what it takes to make a relationship work, and will know you well enough to see whether or not you are ready. They can, on occasion, be wrong, but make sure you listen to them and prayerfully consider their advice.
Many people, especially fathers, will place great importance on whether or not the guy can provide for his daughter. This is important, as money places a lot of stress on a marriage, and if you dismiss it now, you will face the music later. You don’t have to be rich – just think about whether you could provide for you AND a wife in the near future. Remember that God will provide all you need, from day to day – so if you are seeking His will, and making His desires your desires, then He will provide.
One last question, gents – are you ready to seek a relationship intentionally? Are you going to be mindful of what you say and do, as to guard your heart, and more importantly, hers? Are you going to treat her with as much care and propriety as you would your wife? As the wife of your best friend? You may not ending marrying the first, second, or third young woman you date, but realize that someone else might – and you ought to treat her with SUCH great care! Some of the best advice I can give is to protect her from yourself; don’t ask her to let her guard down for you, or put her in compromising situations. If you aren’t able to do that – then you aren’t ready.
There is MUCH more to cover, but I’ll end it here for now. If you have other sub-topics you’d like to discuss – comment!
-The GentleDoofus
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Finding a Wife…For Life
As regular readers and friends will realize, much of the content of this blog, although meant to be thought-provoking and instructional, is based off of what God is currently teaching and convicting me of. To write any other way would probably lead to unwise, questionable posts. This post is not exactly like my others, in that this is something that I do not fully know, but desire to. With that in mind, please consider the following.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” – Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)
In this passage, we are told in the simplest way that a wife is a good thing. God favors those who find a wife because He pleasures to see man not be alone (Gen. 2:18). God created man and woman so that they complement each other; in personality and in body. He could have not created woman, and simply provided that help and companionship that man need through Himself. He didn’t, though, in His good pleasure, and we must understand that before we search for a wife.
So, now we know that a wife is a good thing; and God is pleased when a man finds a wife. Next, we must understand, at least in a basic sense, what marriage is. Marriage, as many would define it, is simply a relationship between a man and a woman (though even that is called into question in our day and age) that has social and legal ramifications. That definition is too basic. Marriage is a covenantal relationship between a man and a woman that God ordained from Creation for our benefit and His glory. Let’s pick that apart:
Covenantal relationship: More than just social and legal, or even emotional and physical, marriage brings two people together in a special way that unites their beings. Marriage is not between JUST a man and a woman, but is a covenant with God. Understanding this is essential to a healthy and Godly marriage.
God ordained: Marriage is NOT a social construct that man came up with; it is God’s way of providing man with what he needs (woman) and a woman with she needs (man). He ordained it (see Genesis 2:24) and therefore we must accept His definition and idea of marriage, not ours.
We benefit: Scripture paints a picture of how much a wife blesses a husband, and visa-versa. To touch the tip of the iceberg, ask a married couple how they have been blessed and benefited through marriage.
He is glorified: God is glorified through marriage in many ways, but one is the way that our marriages paint a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is a sanctifying process in many ways, but one way is that it helps us to understand the relationship between Christ and the Church.
For more on marriage itself, talk to your pastor, your parents, and the married couples of your church. For reading, I suggest starting with “I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah” by Ravi Zacharias and “What the Bible Teaches About Marriage” by Anthony Salvaggio.
So, to review thus far, we know that a wife is a good thing, and what marriage is. The next part is much trickier and cannot be covered in one blog post, so I will try to break it up over several posts: How to Find a Wife. There is no step-by-step guide to finding a wife, so don’t expect one, but there are principles evident in the Bible to guide us, and there are basic steps to get us started. A good place to start is to know what to look for in a wife. That will be the next post, though.
Until next time(which will be sooner than 3 months…),
-The Gentle Doofus
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” – Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)
In this passage, we are told in the simplest way that a wife is a good thing. God favors those who find a wife because He pleasures to see man not be alone (Gen. 2:18). God created man and woman so that they complement each other; in personality and in body. He could have not created woman, and simply provided that help and companionship that man need through Himself. He didn’t, though, in His good pleasure, and we must understand that before we search for a wife.
So, now we know that a wife is a good thing; and God is pleased when a man finds a wife. Next, we must understand, at least in a basic sense, what marriage is. Marriage, as many would define it, is simply a relationship between a man and a woman (though even that is called into question in our day and age) that has social and legal ramifications. That definition is too basic. Marriage is a covenantal relationship between a man and a woman that God ordained from Creation for our benefit and His glory. Let’s pick that apart:
Covenantal relationship: More than just social and legal, or even emotional and physical, marriage brings two people together in a special way that unites their beings. Marriage is not between JUST a man and a woman, but is a covenant with God. Understanding this is essential to a healthy and Godly marriage.
God ordained: Marriage is NOT a social construct that man came up with; it is God’s way of providing man with what he needs (woman) and a woman with she needs (man). He ordained it (see Genesis 2:24) and therefore we must accept His definition and idea of marriage, not ours.
We benefit: Scripture paints a picture of how much a wife blesses a husband, and visa-versa. To touch the tip of the iceberg, ask a married couple how they have been blessed and benefited through marriage.
He is glorified: God is glorified through marriage in many ways, but one is the way that our marriages paint a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is a sanctifying process in many ways, but one way is that it helps us to understand the relationship between Christ and the Church.
For more on marriage itself, talk to your pastor, your parents, and the married couples of your church. For reading, I suggest starting with “I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah” by Ravi Zacharias and “What the Bible Teaches About Marriage” by Anthony Salvaggio.
So, to review thus far, we know that a wife is a good thing, and what marriage is. The next part is much trickier and cannot be covered in one blog post, so I will try to break it up over several posts: How to Find a Wife. There is no step-by-step guide to finding a wife, so don’t expect one, but there are principles evident in the Bible to guide us, and there are basic steps to get us started. A good place to start is to know what to look for in a wife. That will be the next post, though.
Until next time(which will be sooner than 3 months…),
-The Gentle Doofus
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