I’m going to pause for a moment in my current flow of blog posts, and offer you a look into the heart and life of a real man. I’ve discussed many things that are relevant and important for men to know, but haven’t offered up any examples. The first and foremost example, which this man kept his eyes upon his whole life, is Jesus Christ. Don’t let media and culture fool you into thinking that Jesus was a wuss – He was God and man, perfect in both. Jesus Christ was meek and mild, but the Bible paints a picture of the Warrior King who will come again to subdue the earth – Jesus was everything that we should seek to be as men.
That being said, the man I am going to tell you about is a man I knew well; he was my grandfather. Born in 1927, shortly before the Great Depression, he learned how to be a good steward of what he had. I never knew him to be wasteful, and never once saw him take what he had for granted. He grew up on a farm, knowing the value of hard work.
At the seemingly young age of 18, he married my grandmother. Hearing them talk about life, even after WWII had ended, they were never rich in material possessions, but knew that their treasure would be stored up in heaven. As they settled down and began a family, my grandfather filled the role of “Man of the house”. My grandfather never stopped showing his wife love as long as he was able; he helped show me what it meant to love your wife as Christ loved the church.
My grandfather was the father of five children; four girls and a boy. One of the greatest gifts he and my grandmother gave was the heritage of their faith; all five of their children, and the majority of their grandchildren, and even their great-grandchildren trust in Jesus Christ as their savior. Men, as you begin to build your family, meditate upon the blessings of a family that trusts in Christ. If you were raised in a Covenant household and were taught Christ from a young age, you know what a blessing it is. If you weren’t, listen to others talk about that blessing, and seek that blessing for your children. A man not only leads his family practically, he leads them spiritually towards Christ. If you do nothing else; do that- show your children Christ in your actions, in your words, and in your life.
My grandfather made his living as a builder. Many of the homes in our community were built by him, and many more were renovated or worked on by him. His handiwork, although without a signature, was established by God (Ps. 90:17). He loved to help people, and always took time to love them; to speak with them, to relate to them, and to show that he valued them. Many times, as a young boy, I would help him on his farm, and whenever someone came by, he would pause whatever he was doing and chat with them. I always found it fascinating that a man who did so much work would make so much time for other people in his life. He took joy in his work, and although he had retired from building by the time I was spending time with him, he and I (along with many of his other grandsons) did many projects around his farm.
Although primarily a builder, my grandfather had the heart of a farmer. For those of you who know farmers, you know they are a special type of person. My grandfather had a great and vivid love for God’s creation around him – from the trees in his orchard, to the sheep he lovingly cared for, he always found joy in God’s creation.
My grandfather was a man of faith, but was never a scholar. I never had deep theological conversations with him, and saw him working more than I saw him reading. Yet his faith was simple and profound; from his life I never once questioned that he was a child of God. Again, looking at the legacy he left – 5 God-fearing children, fifteen grandchildren (one of whom helped to build a global missions organization), and 15 great-grandchildren whose lives are beginning to unfold – there is no doubt that my grandfather knew Christ.
In the past several years, after my grandmother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, my grandfather spent more and more time caring for her, giving of himself for her, until he could no longer physically care for her on his own. Even after help was hired, he continued to concern himself with her comfort and care day and night.
Nine months ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and congestive heart failure. After much consideration, it was decided that he should be moved into the local nursing home. This wasn’t an easy decision for anyone, but my grandfather especially felt the distance between him and his wife, and felt the difference in not being out and about in the midst of God’s creation. As the disease progressed, he became less and less of the man I knew and more and more of a shell of that man – a terribly hard thing to see. Even then, though – he would often want to pray with a retired pastor that ministered often to him.
Last week my grandfather passed away, survived by his wife and children. He now stands at the feet of his Father in heaven, perfected and living in glory. Today we celebrated his life, laid his body in the ground, and remembered the Savior, Jesus Christ, in whom he trusted.
I could go on for pages and pages about my grandfather – memories, thoughts, and questions – but instead, I’ll ask you: who are the pillars of strength who have shown you what it means to me a man for God? Please, take time to get to know them – learn from them, encourage them. Above all, though, spend much time getting to know Christ- the only perfect role model. Spending time with Christ will make you more of a man than Rambo, John Wayne, or Clint Eastwood. It will do more to make you a man than lifting weights, hunting, or any other activity that the world would have you believe “Real Men” focus on. Keep your eyes on the prize, for He will NEVER cease to love you. He will not leave the work He has begun in you unfinished – He will continue to sanctify and shape you into the man He wants you to be.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
What to Look for in a Wife
In the past two posts, I covered what marriage is, biblically speaking, and some of what it means to be ready for marriage. Now, what to look for in a wife.
Movies, books, and even friends tell us many different things about what to look for in a wife. Some people say to find someone who you have fun with. Others tell you to find that "spark" that will start a flame. The advice is varied, and, often as not, unhelpful.
What does Scripture have to say about the qualities of a wife? The default passage here is Proverbs 31; most of you have probably read or studied this passage before, and so I will summarize some of the qualities: Trustworthy (v. 11), Helpful (v. 12), Diligent (v. 13-15), Strong (v. 17-18), Compassionate (v. 20), Wise (v. 26), Kind (v. 26), Fears God (v. 30). This is a partial list; but finding a woman with even just these qualities may seem a tall order. I would encourage you in two ways. First, if you look, you'd be surprised at how many Godly young women like this there are. Second, many young women won't exemplify all these qualities perfectly before they are married. That is because, as we men are, they are affected by sin. Marriage is also a sanctifying process, that helps to grow these qualities.
Another thing to meditate on is Ephesians 5:22-33, the passage that relates the husband and wife to Christ and the Church. Many men focus on how to be more Christ-like, and that is all they get out of the passage. Although tremendously important, I would encourage you to also think about how the Church is supposed to act, and look for a wife with that in mind.
Also in that passage, Paul says that wives should submit to their husbands. That should not be interpreted by the current culture's definition of submission - that to submit means to acknowledge superiority. To submit means to respect and to allow the husband to take the lead. Men, hear me when I say this - don't expect your wife to do what you say because you say so. Expect your wife to submit to you because you submit to Christ, and follow Him. Look for a wife that wants to submit to Christ more than you.
Now, there are many general qualities and things we've covered so far. If we were to stop here, one might go away thinking that as long as the woman has these things, they should be pursued in marriage. Not so; there are other things to be covered.
Personality matters, too. Do you have the same sense of humor? Do you enjoy the same music, movies, and books? Do you share passions and interests? If marriage is a unifying relationship, than you ought to consider all the ways you will be unified in marriage. It doesn't just mean you'll be married while at church, or while you're with the in-laws; you're married (read "unified") all the time. You can't create boundaries in music, discussion topics, or any other arena that will divide you and your wife. So, when looking for a wife, look for a young woman who, after getting to know her better (we'll cover that in "the process"- next post) you both believe that you have a basis for unity. She doesn't have to be (and won't be) perfect, and you won't be either. The question remains, is there enough in common for unity? For more on this, read Chapter 11 of Gary Chapman's, "The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition".
The one area you've probably already considered is whether or not you find her attractive, physically. Society uses many terms for this, the most common among young men being "Hot". Some Christians, however, feel that because the World wants it, they must reject it - completely. They disregard all physically attraction (or lack thereof), and focus on everything else. The fact of the matter is, in marriage, you are marrying the whole person - from emotions to personality, to their body. True, the Bible reminds us that beauty is fleeting, but it is nevertheless part of your wife. The whole book of Song of Solomon is a bridegroom telling his bride how beautiful she is. Physical attraction is important - not the most important, but you will be waking up to her face for the rest of your life; keep that in mind.
To sum up what to look for in a wife: Find a woman who fears God above all else, who you truly enjoy, who you find beautiful, and then seek God's will. If you're interested in such a woman, you might be ready for the next step.
Movies, books, and even friends tell us many different things about what to look for in a wife. Some people say to find someone who you have fun with. Others tell you to find that "spark" that will start a flame. The advice is varied, and, often as not, unhelpful.
What does Scripture have to say about the qualities of a wife? The default passage here is Proverbs 31; most of you have probably read or studied this passage before, and so I will summarize some of the qualities: Trustworthy (v. 11), Helpful (v. 12), Diligent (v. 13-15), Strong (v. 17-18), Compassionate (v. 20), Wise (v. 26), Kind (v. 26), Fears God (v. 30). This is a partial list; but finding a woman with even just these qualities may seem a tall order. I would encourage you in two ways. First, if you look, you'd be surprised at how many Godly young women like this there are. Second, many young women won't exemplify all these qualities perfectly before they are married. That is because, as we men are, they are affected by sin. Marriage is also a sanctifying process, that helps to grow these qualities.
Another thing to meditate on is Ephesians 5:22-33, the passage that relates the husband and wife to Christ and the Church. Many men focus on how to be more Christ-like, and that is all they get out of the passage. Although tremendously important, I would encourage you to also think about how the Church is supposed to act, and look for a wife with that in mind.
Also in that passage, Paul says that wives should submit to their husbands. That should not be interpreted by the current culture's definition of submission - that to submit means to acknowledge superiority. To submit means to respect and to allow the husband to take the lead. Men, hear me when I say this - don't expect your wife to do what you say because you say so. Expect your wife to submit to you because you submit to Christ, and follow Him. Look for a wife that wants to submit to Christ more than you.
Now, there are many general qualities and things we've covered so far. If we were to stop here, one might go away thinking that as long as the woman has these things, they should be pursued in marriage. Not so; there are other things to be covered.
Personality matters, too. Do you have the same sense of humor? Do you enjoy the same music, movies, and books? Do you share passions and interests? If marriage is a unifying relationship, than you ought to consider all the ways you will be unified in marriage. It doesn't just mean you'll be married while at church, or while you're with the in-laws; you're married (read "unified") all the time. You can't create boundaries in music, discussion topics, or any other arena that will divide you and your wife. So, when looking for a wife, look for a young woman who, after getting to know her better (we'll cover that in "the process"- next post) you both believe that you have a basis for unity. She doesn't have to be (and won't be) perfect, and you won't be either. The question remains, is there enough in common for unity? For more on this, read Chapter 11 of Gary Chapman's, "The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition".
The one area you've probably already considered is whether or not you find her attractive, physically. Society uses many terms for this, the most common among young men being "Hot". Some Christians, however, feel that because the World wants it, they must reject it - completely. They disregard all physically attraction (or lack thereof), and focus on everything else. The fact of the matter is, in marriage, you are marrying the whole person - from emotions to personality, to their body. True, the Bible reminds us that beauty is fleeting, but it is nevertheless part of your wife. The whole book of Song of Solomon is a bridegroom telling his bride how beautiful she is. Physical attraction is important - not the most important, but you will be waking up to her face for the rest of your life; keep that in mind.
To sum up what to look for in a wife: Find a woman who fears God above all else, who you truly enjoy, who you find beautiful, and then seek God's will. If you're interested in such a woman, you might be ready for the next step.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Get Ready for This...
In my last post, I discussed what marriage was, and a bit of why it was a good thing to seek. I promised readers that my next post would be on what to look for in a wife. Although I’m not one to consciously break promises, this one I will postpone. Instead, this post I’m going to focus on what comes even before deciding what to look for in a wife. This time, we’ll talk about being ready for a relationship, and eventually marriage.
There are many schools of thought regarding readiness, so keep that in mind. I will set forth my ideas on readiness, which are an amalgamation of others. There are a few basics, and some options, so take with a grain of salt.
The first, foremost, and required part of being ready for a relationship that leads towards marriage is a complete and total dedication to Christ and His will. Marriage is wonderful, and is to be desired, but as soon as that becomes our life’s goal, it becomes an idol, and sinful. As a very wise woman once told me, “Run straight to Christ. Then, look around, and see who is running next to you.” If you are dedicated to Christ, you’ll already be gaining many of the other parts of readiness, while still glorifying Christ. This is essential, and I cannot stress it enough – as soon as you take your eyes off the prize (Christ), you will start sinking like Peter did on the water. A complete and total dedication to HIS will, and not YOURS will lead you to a beautiful marriage.
Some of the other things that seeking Christ will bring are wisdom, patience, and Christlikeness – all essentials! The Bible says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church – so, become like Christ!
Now, the rest of this post will be primarily the practical side of things. This is, to some degree, tougher, in that it is different for each person. There is no checklist to see if you are ready. What I prescribe is the following contemplations and practices, though.
When could you get married? Will it be five years? Ten? Realize the difficulty of long-term relationships. They are not impossible, as I have known several Godly couples who dated for years and years before getting married, and did fine. The issue is, can you do fine? If you were to enter into a relationship today, could you stay pure and focused on Christ until you were married? If not, then you aren’t ready. Be honest with yourself. Many people skip this part – “I want to be in a relationship, therefore I am ready” is a fallacy in logic. Most people aren’t ready for more than a year or two of serious dating before marriage. And that’s okay – dating is a means to an end (marriage), not the end itself!
Do the wise and Godly counsel that God has put around you (parents, elders, mature friends) think you are ready? Many of these people will have insight into what it takes to make a relationship work, and will know you well enough to see whether or not you are ready. They can, on occasion, be wrong, but make sure you listen to them and prayerfully consider their advice.
Many people, especially fathers, will place great importance on whether or not the guy can provide for his daughter. This is important, as money places a lot of stress on a marriage, and if you dismiss it now, you will face the music later. You don’t have to be rich – just think about whether you could provide for you AND a wife in the near future. Remember that God will provide all you need, from day to day – so if you are seeking His will, and making His desires your desires, then He will provide.
One last question, gents – are you ready to seek a relationship intentionally? Are you going to be mindful of what you say and do, as to guard your heart, and more importantly, hers? Are you going to treat her with as much care and propriety as you would your wife? As the wife of your best friend? You may not ending marrying the first, second, or third young woman you date, but realize that someone else might – and you ought to treat her with SUCH great care! Some of the best advice I can give is to protect her from yourself; don’t ask her to let her guard down for you, or put her in compromising situations. If you aren’t able to do that – then you aren’t ready.
There is MUCH more to cover, but I’ll end it here for now. If you have other sub-topics you’d like to discuss – comment!
-The GentleDoofus
There are many schools of thought regarding readiness, so keep that in mind. I will set forth my ideas on readiness, which are an amalgamation of others. There are a few basics, and some options, so take with a grain of salt.
The first, foremost, and required part of being ready for a relationship that leads towards marriage is a complete and total dedication to Christ and His will. Marriage is wonderful, and is to be desired, but as soon as that becomes our life’s goal, it becomes an idol, and sinful. As a very wise woman once told me, “Run straight to Christ. Then, look around, and see who is running next to you.” If you are dedicated to Christ, you’ll already be gaining many of the other parts of readiness, while still glorifying Christ. This is essential, and I cannot stress it enough – as soon as you take your eyes off the prize (Christ), you will start sinking like Peter did on the water. A complete and total dedication to HIS will, and not YOURS will lead you to a beautiful marriage.
Some of the other things that seeking Christ will bring are wisdom, patience, and Christlikeness – all essentials! The Bible says that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the Church – so, become like Christ!
Now, the rest of this post will be primarily the practical side of things. This is, to some degree, tougher, in that it is different for each person. There is no checklist to see if you are ready. What I prescribe is the following contemplations and practices, though.
When could you get married? Will it be five years? Ten? Realize the difficulty of long-term relationships. They are not impossible, as I have known several Godly couples who dated for years and years before getting married, and did fine. The issue is, can you do fine? If you were to enter into a relationship today, could you stay pure and focused on Christ until you were married? If not, then you aren’t ready. Be honest with yourself. Many people skip this part – “I want to be in a relationship, therefore I am ready” is a fallacy in logic. Most people aren’t ready for more than a year or two of serious dating before marriage. And that’s okay – dating is a means to an end (marriage), not the end itself!
Do the wise and Godly counsel that God has put around you (parents, elders, mature friends) think you are ready? Many of these people will have insight into what it takes to make a relationship work, and will know you well enough to see whether or not you are ready. They can, on occasion, be wrong, but make sure you listen to them and prayerfully consider their advice.
Many people, especially fathers, will place great importance on whether or not the guy can provide for his daughter. This is important, as money places a lot of stress on a marriage, and if you dismiss it now, you will face the music later. You don’t have to be rich – just think about whether you could provide for you AND a wife in the near future. Remember that God will provide all you need, from day to day – so if you are seeking His will, and making His desires your desires, then He will provide.
One last question, gents – are you ready to seek a relationship intentionally? Are you going to be mindful of what you say and do, as to guard your heart, and more importantly, hers? Are you going to treat her with as much care and propriety as you would your wife? As the wife of your best friend? You may not ending marrying the first, second, or third young woman you date, but realize that someone else might – and you ought to treat her with SUCH great care! Some of the best advice I can give is to protect her from yourself; don’t ask her to let her guard down for you, or put her in compromising situations. If you aren’t able to do that – then you aren’t ready.
There is MUCH more to cover, but I’ll end it here for now. If you have other sub-topics you’d like to discuss – comment!
-The GentleDoofus
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Finding a Wife…For Life
As regular readers and friends will realize, much of the content of this blog, although meant to be thought-provoking and instructional, is based off of what God is currently teaching and convicting me of. To write any other way would probably lead to unwise, questionable posts. This post is not exactly like my others, in that this is something that I do not fully know, but desire to. With that in mind, please consider the following.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” – Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)
In this passage, we are told in the simplest way that a wife is a good thing. God favors those who find a wife because He pleasures to see man not be alone (Gen. 2:18). God created man and woman so that they complement each other; in personality and in body. He could have not created woman, and simply provided that help and companionship that man need through Himself. He didn’t, though, in His good pleasure, and we must understand that before we search for a wife.
So, now we know that a wife is a good thing; and God is pleased when a man finds a wife. Next, we must understand, at least in a basic sense, what marriage is. Marriage, as many would define it, is simply a relationship between a man and a woman (though even that is called into question in our day and age) that has social and legal ramifications. That definition is too basic. Marriage is a covenantal relationship between a man and a woman that God ordained from Creation for our benefit and His glory. Let’s pick that apart:
Covenantal relationship: More than just social and legal, or even emotional and physical, marriage brings two people together in a special way that unites their beings. Marriage is not between JUST a man and a woman, but is a covenant with God. Understanding this is essential to a healthy and Godly marriage.
God ordained: Marriage is NOT a social construct that man came up with; it is God’s way of providing man with what he needs (woman) and a woman with she needs (man). He ordained it (see Genesis 2:24) and therefore we must accept His definition and idea of marriage, not ours.
We benefit: Scripture paints a picture of how much a wife blesses a husband, and visa-versa. To touch the tip of the iceberg, ask a married couple how they have been blessed and benefited through marriage.
He is glorified: God is glorified through marriage in many ways, but one is the way that our marriages paint a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is a sanctifying process in many ways, but one way is that it helps us to understand the relationship between Christ and the Church.
For more on marriage itself, talk to your pastor, your parents, and the married couples of your church. For reading, I suggest starting with “I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah” by Ravi Zacharias and “What the Bible Teaches About Marriage” by Anthony Salvaggio.
So, to review thus far, we know that a wife is a good thing, and what marriage is. The next part is much trickier and cannot be covered in one blog post, so I will try to break it up over several posts: How to Find a Wife. There is no step-by-step guide to finding a wife, so don’t expect one, but there are principles evident in the Bible to guide us, and there are basic steps to get us started. A good place to start is to know what to look for in a wife. That will be the next post, though.
Until next time(which will be sooner than 3 months…),
-The Gentle Doofus
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” – Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)
In this passage, we are told in the simplest way that a wife is a good thing. God favors those who find a wife because He pleasures to see man not be alone (Gen. 2:18). God created man and woman so that they complement each other; in personality and in body. He could have not created woman, and simply provided that help and companionship that man need through Himself. He didn’t, though, in His good pleasure, and we must understand that before we search for a wife.
So, now we know that a wife is a good thing; and God is pleased when a man finds a wife. Next, we must understand, at least in a basic sense, what marriage is. Marriage, as many would define it, is simply a relationship between a man and a woman (though even that is called into question in our day and age) that has social and legal ramifications. That definition is too basic. Marriage is a covenantal relationship between a man and a woman that God ordained from Creation for our benefit and His glory. Let’s pick that apart:
Covenantal relationship: More than just social and legal, or even emotional and physical, marriage brings two people together in a special way that unites their beings. Marriage is not between JUST a man and a woman, but is a covenant with God. Understanding this is essential to a healthy and Godly marriage.
God ordained: Marriage is NOT a social construct that man came up with; it is God’s way of providing man with what he needs (woman) and a woman with she needs (man). He ordained it (see Genesis 2:24) and therefore we must accept His definition and idea of marriage, not ours.
We benefit: Scripture paints a picture of how much a wife blesses a husband, and visa-versa. To touch the tip of the iceberg, ask a married couple how they have been blessed and benefited through marriage.
He is glorified: God is glorified through marriage in many ways, but one is the way that our marriages paint a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is a sanctifying process in many ways, but one way is that it helps us to understand the relationship between Christ and the Church.
For more on marriage itself, talk to your pastor, your parents, and the married couples of your church. For reading, I suggest starting with “I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah” by Ravi Zacharias and “What the Bible Teaches About Marriage” by Anthony Salvaggio.
So, to review thus far, we know that a wife is a good thing, and what marriage is. The next part is much trickier and cannot be covered in one blog post, so I will try to break it up over several posts: How to Find a Wife. There is no step-by-step guide to finding a wife, so don’t expect one, but there are principles evident in the Bible to guide us, and there are basic steps to get us started. A good place to start is to know what to look for in a wife. That will be the next post, though.
Until next time(which will be sooner than 3 months…),
-The Gentle Doofus
Friday, September 24, 2010
Being Content in Singleness
Ah, to be content. When you think about it, it doesn't matter what problems or deficiencies there are in your life if you're content. No food? Not a problem if you're content (and not hungry). No money? No sweat- you didn't feel the desire to buy anything anyways. The list can go on, but contentment with our current situation is a very good thing.
***Below is one of my usual notes of caution...so, caution!***
Contentment is a good thing, as stated above, but we shouldn't be content with mediocrity. If we have sin in our lives, we ought to seek to erase it by the power of the Holy Spirit within us. Saying that we're content to keep sinning is like saying that the knife in our heart doesn't bother us much - it's ridiculous! So, again, the pursuit of holiness (as in the book by John Piper) shouldn't be something we decide to be content in.
***End of note of caution***
What about relationships, though? Can you honestly say that you're content being single, or that you were content being single? Not many people can. Society and culture surround us with romance novels, movies, celebrity romance- romance is everywhere! Since our culture DOES have an effect on us, whether we want it to or not, we tend to each be romantic. Now, this is expressed in different ways for different people; i.e., most guys don't draw hearts and cupids in diaries. The point is, it's not easy to be happily single amidst our culture.
Contentment in our singleness stems from three things; trust in God's plan, seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ, and a realization that once our singleness ends, it ain't coming back.
Trusting in God's plan is something seen throughout the Bible. Jeremiah 29:11 gives it to us straight from God: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." What a promise! A future and a hope is something I can't promise myself, but God can promise AND deliver! What a relief to know that the God of the Universe has our best interest at his heart! David says in Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." When you're afraid of never-ending singleness, or of a broken heart, place your trust in God alone, and the dividends will never cease.
Seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ is something many people miss while in a state of singleness- I know I did. Paul, in I Corinthians 7, tells us that, " I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided... I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (v. 32-34a, 35) While we are single, we have the chance to be undivided in our devotion to the Lord - something we won't have once we are married. Paul goes on later to say that to marry is good, but to stay single is better. That's another debate, but it's easy to see the freedom that comes with singleness.
Also in the seventh chapter of First Corinthians, Paul speaks of divorce, and how it should be avoided. A verse that you'll hear at almost every Christian wedding is, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."(Mathew 19:6b) Unless the most extreme circumstances occur, we are to stay married for LIFE. Not until we "don't love him/her anymore" but until "death do us part". Once you're not single (aka MARRIED), you'll not be single again, God willing. Appreciate your singleness while you've got it.
Be content in your singleness! Trust in God's plan, use this time without distractions to seek God and prepare for his calling for you, and enjoy it!
-The GentleDoofus
***Below is one of my usual notes of caution...so, caution!***
Contentment is a good thing, as stated above, but we shouldn't be content with mediocrity. If we have sin in our lives, we ought to seek to erase it by the power of the Holy Spirit within us. Saying that we're content to keep sinning is like saying that the knife in our heart doesn't bother us much - it's ridiculous! So, again, the pursuit of holiness (as in the book by John Piper) shouldn't be something we decide to be content in.
***End of note of caution***
What about relationships, though? Can you honestly say that you're content being single, or that you were content being single? Not many people can. Society and culture surround us with romance novels, movies, celebrity romance- romance is everywhere! Since our culture DOES have an effect on us, whether we want it to or not, we tend to each be romantic. Now, this is expressed in different ways for different people; i.e., most guys don't draw hearts and cupids in diaries. The point is, it's not easy to be happily single amidst our culture.
Contentment in our singleness stems from three things; trust in God's plan, seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ, and a realization that once our singleness ends, it ain't coming back.
Trusting in God's plan is something seen throughout the Bible. Jeremiah 29:11 gives it to us straight from God: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." What a promise! A future and a hope is something I can't promise myself, but God can promise AND deliver! What a relief to know that the God of the Universe has our best interest at his heart! David says in Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." When you're afraid of never-ending singleness, or of a broken heart, place your trust in God alone, and the dividends will never cease.
Seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ is something many people miss while in a state of singleness- I know I did. Paul, in I Corinthians 7, tells us that, " I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided... I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (v. 32-34a, 35) While we are single, we have the chance to be undivided in our devotion to the Lord - something we won't have once we are married. Paul goes on later to say that to marry is good, but to stay single is better. That's another debate, but it's easy to see the freedom that comes with singleness.
Also in the seventh chapter of First Corinthians, Paul speaks of divorce, and how it should be avoided. A verse that you'll hear at almost every Christian wedding is, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."(Mathew 19:6b) Unless the most extreme circumstances occur, we are to stay married for LIFE. Not until we "don't love him/her anymore" but until "death do us part". Once you're not single (aka MARRIED), you'll not be single again, God willing. Appreciate your singleness while you've got it.
Be content in your singleness! Trust in God's plan, use this time without distractions to seek God and prepare for his calling for you, and enjoy it!
-The GentleDoofus
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Fellowship and Fella’ship
As technology and culture has changed, so has the way we relate to others. Gone are days where people will sit around a porch and just chat – just because they wanted to know about each other. Now facebook, MySpace, and twitter have reduced time with people to “social networking.” By viewing someone’s profile, you can find out in 20 seconds what used to take 20 minutes. Great, right? Now you “know” them, so it’s much easier to enjoy your “friendship”! Wrong. You don’t know someone until you spend time with them. I don’t care who you are, spending time with someone is the only way to really get to know who they are.
Before I dive in, a disclosure: I’m not against social networking – in the global age that we are in, it’s very useful to be able to connect with people halfway around the world via facebook. I have facebook, but it’s not the perfect means to an end. Rather, it’s a tool – nothing more. I’ll mention facebook more than anything from here on out, since that’s what I’m familiar with.
How many of your friends on facebook have profile pictures that aren’t even of them? That just goes to show that a profile can be created to show who they are, or who they want you to see. People can be as real or as fake as they want to be on facebook, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. If you meet someone face to face, it’s much harder to give a false impression of who you are. Possible yes, but they’ll at least know what you look like (unless you wear masks all day…).
So, there is a need, I think, for real fellowship: spending time with other people and enjoying each other as God created you – which isn’t as a page on the internet. Fellowship can be defined as spending time within or without a worship context enjoying other people as a group of believers. In Acts 2:42, fellowship is listed along with prayer, teaching, and breaking of bread (eating). Sounds a lot like church, right? Well, fellowship can and should be a part of church, but it is not necessarily always within the service.
I encourage you to think about the amount of time you spend alone; by alone, I mean the times when you are awake yet not interacting with other people (and facebook chat doesn’t really count). Most people would be surprised at the amount of time they spend around others, but still alone. Instead of spending time alone, spend time fellowshipping with others! You’ll grow, be encouraged, and have lifelong friends.
Now I’m going to focus in one group that is hopefully reading this blog: guys. You may have noticed the second half of the title: “Fella’ship”. Guys, no matter your age, marital status, or occupation, you need guy time. In Genesis, God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so he created woman. Great! Still, there are some things – trials, joys, hobbies, etc., that women just don’t understand.
The best example of what we need as guys is a Jonathan to our David. David and Jonathan were as close as two guys can get in a biblical way. Fiercely loyal, encouraging, and honest with each other, these two guys knew what it means to have a friend. And it wasn’t any simplistic facebook friendship, either. After Jonathan died at the hands of the Philistines, David wrote a lament (2 Samuel 1:25-27). “…your live to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.” What a bold statement! Two guys who loved each other as God intended – a deep brotherly love that even marriage cannot fill! Is there a friend in your life who you could write that of? If you answered no, why not? What’s keeping you from creating deep lasting friendships that surpass (in some ways) the relationship of your girlfriend or wife?
Whether it’s coffee every week, a men’s breakfast, bible study, or just eating lunch a couple of days a week, take the opportunities provided to enjoy fella’ship – the deep, real fellowship that can only be found within the context of men.
Before I dive in, a disclosure: I’m not against social networking – in the global age that we are in, it’s very useful to be able to connect with people halfway around the world via facebook. I have facebook, but it’s not the perfect means to an end. Rather, it’s a tool – nothing more. I’ll mention facebook more than anything from here on out, since that’s what I’m familiar with.
How many of your friends on facebook have profile pictures that aren’t even of them? That just goes to show that a profile can be created to show who they are, or who they want you to see. People can be as real or as fake as they want to be on facebook, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. If you meet someone face to face, it’s much harder to give a false impression of who you are. Possible yes, but they’ll at least know what you look like (unless you wear masks all day…).
So, there is a need, I think, for real fellowship: spending time with other people and enjoying each other as God created you – which isn’t as a page on the internet. Fellowship can be defined as spending time within or without a worship context enjoying other people as a group of believers. In Acts 2:42, fellowship is listed along with prayer, teaching, and breaking of bread (eating). Sounds a lot like church, right? Well, fellowship can and should be a part of church, but it is not necessarily always within the service.
I encourage you to think about the amount of time you spend alone; by alone, I mean the times when you are awake yet not interacting with other people (and facebook chat doesn’t really count). Most people would be surprised at the amount of time they spend around others, but still alone. Instead of spending time alone, spend time fellowshipping with others! You’ll grow, be encouraged, and have lifelong friends.
Now I’m going to focus in one group that is hopefully reading this blog: guys. You may have noticed the second half of the title: “Fella’ship”. Guys, no matter your age, marital status, or occupation, you need guy time. In Genesis, God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so he created woman. Great! Still, there are some things – trials, joys, hobbies, etc., that women just don’t understand.
The best example of what we need as guys is a Jonathan to our David. David and Jonathan were as close as two guys can get in a biblical way. Fiercely loyal, encouraging, and honest with each other, these two guys knew what it means to have a friend. And it wasn’t any simplistic facebook friendship, either. After Jonathan died at the hands of the Philistines, David wrote a lament (2 Samuel 1:25-27). “…your live to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.” What a bold statement! Two guys who loved each other as God intended – a deep brotherly love that even marriage cannot fill! Is there a friend in your life who you could write that of? If you answered no, why not? What’s keeping you from creating deep lasting friendships that surpass (in some ways) the relationship of your girlfriend or wife?
Whether it’s coffee every week, a men’s breakfast, bible study, or just eating lunch a couple of days a week, take the opportunities provided to enjoy fella’ship – the deep, real fellowship that can only be found within the context of men.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
One-Mindedness
"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind." - Philippians 2:1,2
What is being "being of the same mind" or "being ... of one mind"? Is it multiple bodies running off of the same brain? Obviously not. Rather, the Bible teaches that to be one-minded is to have the same focus, the same goal, and to work as one to achieve that goal. The adage "Two heads are better than one" is only true in coming up with ideas - to enact one of those ideas, the two heads must act as one.
Being of one mind is something that has many applications to our lives - from our daily walk to our relationship. It's easy to pick one area and focus on that area, but every area in our lives impacts another area - just as in a house there are many room, those rooms share walls and a roof, and are together in one house. In the same way our lives have different areas, but are all connected.
That being said, let us take a look at some of the ways we ought to be one-minded, and how that affects us.
The first and foremost one-mindedness that the Bible teaches us is to be focus solely on God. The first commandment is "You shall have no other gods before me." (Exodus 20:3). God wants us to be of one mind in who we choose to worship - HIM. Any dividing of our mind, our focus, takes away from God what is rightfully his. So, to place anything before God is NOT being one-minded.
God also calls us to be of one mind with each other. In the passage from Philippians, that is what Paul is calling us to. He asks that the believers in Philippi not act as though they are separate from each other, but have the same goal (glorifying God), and act as such. This is one area where the church has gone very much by the wayside. Today you can be separate from a church, from other believers, and many people think that's fine. It's not. God didn't create man to be a island, like Simon and Garfunkel sang. He created us to exist with others, and to fellowship with them.
In terms of a relationship between a man and a woman, we are also called to be one minded. This follows from the other calls to be one-minded. As a couple, as two different people, the focus ought not to be on different things, but on God. Any relationship that doesn't have Christ at it's head is broken, and only our sinful nature will be brought out without Him. A couple is also not exempt from being of one-mind with a body of believers. Community is a very important part of courting/dating and marriage. Without other people, then the support structure for marriage would be a lot less helpful.
But each couple is called in other ways to be of one mind, that we take for granted. The couple must be of the same mind to see the relationship succeed, otherwise it's bound to failure. They must both have a singular mind of purity, otherwise that won't work either. Almost every area of the relationship must be done with one mind, or there will many cracks in the wall.
A useful analogy that famous author and speaker Ravi Zacharias uses in his book "I, Isaac, take Thee, Rebekah" is one of two walls.
"A few days ago, while writing this chapter is a small Asian city, I took an early morning walk and saw two workmen who were dismantling a cement block wall, taking great care to keep the blocks intact for another structure they were building. What a metaphor that is for the home! When two lives (minds) meet, they are like two distinct walls. Each has to start by dismantling his or her wall one brick at a time, and then those bricks are taken intact and with other materials used to build a structure with a roof that brings them together at the top. That is the new home. Two wills are as two walls. Rightly dismantled and rebuild they proved the strength for a new union of two lives."
So, I urge you, whether you are single, dating, courting, engaged, or married, to carefully look at your life and see where you have multiple minds running amok. It's something that will benefit you immensely in both the short and long run.
What is being "being of the same mind" or "being ... of one mind"? Is it multiple bodies running off of the same brain? Obviously not. Rather, the Bible teaches that to be one-minded is to have the same focus, the same goal, and to work as one to achieve that goal. The adage "Two heads are better than one" is only true in coming up with ideas - to enact one of those ideas, the two heads must act as one.
Being of one mind is something that has many applications to our lives - from our daily walk to our relationship. It's easy to pick one area and focus on that area, but every area in our lives impacts another area - just as in a house there are many room, those rooms share walls and a roof, and are together in one house. In the same way our lives have different areas, but are all connected.
That being said, let us take a look at some of the ways we ought to be one-minded, and how that affects us.
The first and foremost one-mindedness that the Bible teaches us is to be focus solely on God. The first commandment is "You shall have no other gods before me." (Exodus 20:3). God wants us to be of one mind in who we choose to worship - HIM. Any dividing of our mind, our focus, takes away from God what is rightfully his. So, to place anything before God is NOT being one-minded.
God also calls us to be of one mind with each other. In the passage from Philippians, that is what Paul is calling us to. He asks that the believers in Philippi not act as though they are separate from each other, but have the same goal (glorifying God), and act as such. This is one area where the church has gone very much by the wayside. Today you can be separate from a church, from other believers, and many people think that's fine. It's not. God didn't create man to be a island, like Simon and Garfunkel sang. He created us to exist with others, and to fellowship with them.
In terms of a relationship between a man and a woman, we are also called to be one minded. This follows from the other calls to be one-minded. As a couple, as two different people, the focus ought not to be on different things, but on God. Any relationship that doesn't have Christ at it's head is broken, and only our sinful nature will be brought out without Him. A couple is also not exempt from being of one-mind with a body of believers. Community is a very important part of courting/dating and marriage. Without other people, then the support structure for marriage would be a lot less helpful.
But each couple is called in other ways to be of one mind, that we take for granted. The couple must be of the same mind to see the relationship succeed, otherwise it's bound to failure. They must both have a singular mind of purity, otherwise that won't work either. Almost every area of the relationship must be done with one mind, or there will many cracks in the wall.
A useful analogy that famous author and speaker Ravi Zacharias uses in his book "I, Isaac, take Thee, Rebekah" is one of two walls.
"A few days ago, while writing this chapter is a small Asian city, I took an early morning walk and saw two workmen who were dismantling a cement block wall, taking great care to keep the blocks intact for another structure they were building. What a metaphor that is for the home! When two lives (minds) meet, they are like two distinct walls. Each has to start by dismantling his or her wall one brick at a time, and then those bricks are taken intact and with other materials used to build a structure with a roof that brings them together at the top. That is the new home. Two wills are as two walls. Rightly dismantled and rebuild they proved the strength for a new union of two lives."
So, I urge you, whether you are single, dating, courting, engaged, or married, to carefully look at your life and see where you have multiple minds running amok. It's something that will benefit you immensely in both the short and long run.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I'm a Man - I'm Supposed to be Proud, Right?
Strange title, huh? Yeah, I thought so, too. Kinda why I picked it. By this time, you're wondering where in the world I'm going with this - and why I won't just get to the point. Well, fine. If you think you're ready, I'll begin.
The subject of pride and humility is one that is universal. Each one of us, man or woman, child or adult, pastor or church-goer, is subject to pride. We're told to take pride in our work, to take pride in ourselves, to be proud of our family, our country-- the list goes on forever. But should we? Should we take pride in something we do well?
As men, we are to be the heads of our households, the public face of our family, and the leaders of our churches. The opportunities for pride are numerous and varied. We deal with pride each and every day, whether we realize or not. Do we take pride in our girlfriend or wife? Do we take pride in our muscular body, or our mental capacity? I do. But maybe I shouldn't...
Pride is sin. Whether or not you realize it, admit it, or want to accept it, it is. The bible states this over and over and over.
"But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction. For he was unfaithful to the LORD his God and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense. "- 2 Chronicles 26:16. Pride leads us away from God.
"Rise up, O judge of the earth; repay to the proud what they deserve! "- Psalm 94:2. God will repay the proud with what they deserve, and it isn't going to be pretty.
"Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin."-Proverbs 21:4. A proud heart- even if you don't obviously show pride, but simply have a proud heart, that is SIN.
What specifically is pride? Pride, at the most basic level, is desiring and taking what belongs to God. Doesn't make sense? Think about it this way - God created you, gave you the abilities and circumstances that made you who you are, worked our salvation for you, and you claim that YOU did "this", or YOU did "that" so very well. Who really should get the credit? You? No, God should. Pride is taking the glory and exaltation from God and claiming it for ourselves. God abhors this!
Pride shows itself in many ways, from obvious boasting (Think of a professional basketball player saying "Yeah, coach gave the ball to me because he knows I'm the one who scores the points around here."), to acting in such a way to make people think better of you (speaking just so people think you know something about the topic - even though you don't!). Think about how pride shows itself in your life - you'll get a long list.
So, pride's a problem. That much we know, but how do we fix it? How can we move away from that intrinsic thought process within mankind since the fall, and act in such a way that gives God the glory? Be humble.
Humility has been misconstrued for a long time, now. People think to be humble means to put yourself down, to deny that you are anyone worth anything. THAT, my friends, is FALSE humility. False humility is the denial of God's good gifts ("You did a great job on that presentation!" "No, not really. I wasn't that great.") It is WRONG to deny that God has done anything for us, and that we are worthless.
True humility comes in a surprisingly simple package - taking a proper view of yourself, the only conclusion that you can come to is that you are nothing without Christ, and therefore the glory goes to Him. You realize that you aren't worthless, but it's only because of Christ. Think about this - for Muhammad Ali to be humble, he would have said (assuming he had come to know Christ), "I am the greatest - not on my own, but because Christ has given me the ability and talent to box well." What a difference! The focus isn't on him anymore, the focus is on Christ, where it ought to be!
The apostle Paul had a pretty good fix on this; in I Timothy 1:15-16 he says, "...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." Wow! Paul not only has a proper view of himself (foremost sinner), but also realizes that what Christ does in our lives is for HIS glory, not ours. Paul then goes on in verse 17, "To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen." - That sure sounds like he's putting the focus on God and not himself.
The journey from pride to humility isn't an easy one - it's lifelong. Opportunities for pride are always around, and can even come from humility if we aren't careful. But God promises to help us with this journey, "...if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (2 Chron. 7:14) God tells us that if we 1) humble ourselves, 2) pray and seek his face, and 3) turn from our wicked ways, then he will forgive us and heal us. Because sanctification is a lifelong process, we won't be completely rid of pride until we reach heaven, where we will meet with God in ALL his glory, and then we can't help but be humble in the very presence of our God!
One more amazing promise I'd like to share with you; in Psalm 149:4, we are told, "For the LORD takes pleasure in his people, he adorns the humble with salvation." "He adorns the humble with salvation" - that's what I want! Salvation can only come through humility, because we have to admit that we are sinners devoid of good before we can be saved.
So, let us as men (and ladies, too!) strive to humble ourselves before Christ, giving all glory and praise to him, because he deserves it. And let us not give opportunity for pride to rise up in another, but make Christ the focus in everything.
The subject of pride and humility is one that is universal. Each one of us, man or woman, child or adult, pastor or church-goer, is subject to pride. We're told to take pride in our work, to take pride in ourselves, to be proud of our family, our country-- the list goes on forever. But should we? Should we take pride in something we do well?
As men, we are to be the heads of our households, the public face of our family, and the leaders of our churches. The opportunities for pride are numerous and varied. We deal with pride each and every day, whether we realize or not. Do we take pride in our girlfriend or wife? Do we take pride in our muscular body, or our mental capacity? I do. But maybe I shouldn't...
Pride is sin. Whether or not you realize it, admit it, or want to accept it, it is. The bible states this over and over and over.
"But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction. For he was unfaithful to the LORD his God and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense. "- 2 Chronicles 26:16. Pride leads us away from God.
"Rise up, O judge of the earth; repay to the proud what they deserve! "- Psalm 94:2. God will repay the proud with what they deserve, and it isn't going to be pretty.
"Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin."-Proverbs 21:4. A proud heart- even if you don't obviously show pride, but simply have a proud heart, that is SIN.
What specifically is pride? Pride, at the most basic level, is desiring and taking what belongs to God. Doesn't make sense? Think about it this way - God created you, gave you the abilities and circumstances that made you who you are, worked our salvation for you, and you claim that YOU did "this", or YOU did "that" so very well. Who really should get the credit? You? No, God should. Pride is taking the glory and exaltation from God and claiming it for ourselves. God abhors this!
Pride shows itself in many ways, from obvious boasting (Think of a professional basketball player saying "Yeah, coach gave the ball to me because he knows I'm the one who scores the points around here."), to acting in such a way to make people think better of you (speaking just so people think you know something about the topic - even though you don't!). Think about how pride shows itself in your life - you'll get a long list.
So, pride's a problem. That much we know, but how do we fix it? How can we move away from that intrinsic thought process within mankind since the fall, and act in such a way that gives God the glory? Be humble.
Humility has been misconstrued for a long time, now. People think to be humble means to put yourself down, to deny that you are anyone worth anything. THAT, my friends, is FALSE humility. False humility is the denial of God's good gifts ("You did a great job on that presentation!" "No, not really. I wasn't that great.") It is WRONG to deny that God has done anything for us, and that we are worthless.
True humility comes in a surprisingly simple package - taking a proper view of yourself, the only conclusion that you can come to is that you are nothing without Christ, and therefore the glory goes to Him. You realize that you aren't worthless, but it's only because of Christ. Think about this - for Muhammad Ali to be humble, he would have said (assuming he had come to know Christ), "I am the greatest - not on my own, but because Christ has given me the ability and talent to box well." What a difference! The focus isn't on him anymore, the focus is on Christ, where it ought to be!
The apostle Paul had a pretty good fix on this; in I Timothy 1:15-16 he says, "...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." Wow! Paul not only has a proper view of himself (foremost sinner), but also realizes that what Christ does in our lives is for HIS glory, not ours. Paul then goes on in verse 17, "To the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen." - That sure sounds like he's putting the focus on God and not himself.
The journey from pride to humility isn't an easy one - it's lifelong. Opportunities for pride are always around, and can even come from humility if we aren't careful. But God promises to help us with this journey, "...if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (2 Chron. 7:14) God tells us that if we 1) humble ourselves, 2) pray and seek his face, and 3) turn from our wicked ways, then he will forgive us and heal us. Because sanctification is a lifelong process, we won't be completely rid of pride until we reach heaven, where we will meet with God in ALL his glory, and then we can't help but be humble in the very presence of our God!
One more amazing promise I'd like to share with you; in Psalm 149:4, we are told, "For the LORD takes pleasure in his people, he adorns the humble with salvation." "He adorns the humble with salvation" - that's what I want! Salvation can only come through humility, because we have to admit that we are sinners devoid of good before we can be saved.
So, let us as men (and ladies, too!) strive to humble ourselves before Christ, giving all glory and praise to him, because he deserves it. And let us not give opportunity for pride to rise up in another, but make Christ the focus in everything.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Figure women out? Yeah right...
So, you know feel as though you are well on your way to becoming a gentleman – becoming a man in the sense that God meant it to be. Great! You’re feeling great, doing new things, and then, it hits you:
“Wait a minute – why am I doing this? Girls don’t even notice it. Sheesh, I can’t even understand girls.”
You tell this to your friend, and he says, “Well, no one understands girls – they’re girls, man. They’re just weird. Don’t even try to figure them out.”
After this, you continue on your quest to becoming a gentleman, but feel as though it’s not as big a deal – “if I can’t understand girls, why even try to impress them?” It’s easy to feel this way, as though you’ve lost part of your purpose on this journey, but it’s false. This may come across as radical and dumb to some of you, but hear me when I say that today’s culture is teaching men more lies than truths.
Culture, and even some men in the church, tells us that girls are different enough that we won’t ever figure them out. I say, as some others do, that it just isn’t so. Men CAN understand women – God created us in such a way that we are different from the opposite gender, but we are still the same species. The key that has been lost over the ages, is to study women.
I have a friend, a lady, who is most passionate about the subject matter of this blog. During one lengthy discussion we had, she mentioned something to the effect that “Men just need to study women more.” “Brilliant!” I thought. “Now where is the study guide to go along with that?” Sadly, there isn’t one. It’s a matter of taking the time and effort and trying to learn about women.
It starts by learning the general things – such as “All women like chocolate” or the like. You learn this by constant contact with those closest to you, usually your mother and sisters. You learn some of the broader points of how women work and think, and then you start to learn the finer points.
The finer points usually come from close friendships or dating relationships with women. If you pay attention, and SEEK TO LEARN, you will find out many things about women, particularly those who are the subject of your study.
To give an analogy:
In Spanish class, if you TRY to learn the language (more than just “the bathroom” and “food, please”) you’ll succeed. You’ll find you are able to understand more than you ever thought possible when someone speaks in Spanish to you. But, if you only pick up the words you like and want (“cars”, “food”, and “video games”), you’ll find you miss out on most of any given conversation en espanol.
Likewise, if you apply yourself to learning about women, and truly seek to understand them (with the belief that you can), you will! It will take approximately one lifetime, give or take a few years, but you’ll do it. You will be able to understand the women in your life in a way today’s culture says is impossible. On the other hand, if you only find out what you want to about women (how to get them to giggle, and get a second date, etc.) you’ll miss out on the majority of the joy that something like a marriage can bring.
One of the best ways to learn Spanish, as is proven over and over again, is to speak it. If you spend half an hour a day speaking in Spanish with a friend, you’ll also understand more of what he is saying. But, if you only listen to it, you’ll never be able to utilize your knowledge of the language fully.
In the same way, PRACTICE and ACT on what you find in your study of women. This won’t only impress them (assuming you’ve been studying diligently), but it will give you a better understanding. To never use the understanding of women that you have is to stop halfway on the journey – it just doesn’t make the cut.
So, men, I challenge you – to consciously study (and I don’t mean stare at) women in your life so that you can understand them better. Your wife will appreciate it someday.
“Wait a minute – why am I doing this? Girls don’t even notice it. Sheesh, I can’t even understand girls.”
You tell this to your friend, and he says, “Well, no one understands girls – they’re girls, man. They’re just weird. Don’t even try to figure them out.”
After this, you continue on your quest to becoming a gentleman, but feel as though it’s not as big a deal – “if I can’t understand girls, why even try to impress them?” It’s easy to feel this way, as though you’ve lost part of your purpose on this journey, but it’s false. This may come across as radical and dumb to some of you, but hear me when I say that today’s culture is teaching men more lies than truths.
Culture, and even some men in the church, tells us that girls are different enough that we won’t ever figure them out. I say, as some others do, that it just isn’t so. Men CAN understand women – God created us in such a way that we are different from the opposite gender, but we are still the same species. The key that has been lost over the ages, is to study women.
I have a friend, a lady, who is most passionate about the subject matter of this blog. During one lengthy discussion we had, she mentioned something to the effect that “Men just need to study women more.” “Brilliant!” I thought. “Now where is the study guide to go along with that?” Sadly, there isn’t one. It’s a matter of taking the time and effort and trying to learn about women.
It starts by learning the general things – such as “All women like chocolate” or the like. You learn this by constant contact with those closest to you, usually your mother and sisters. You learn some of the broader points of how women work and think, and then you start to learn the finer points.
The finer points usually come from close friendships or dating relationships with women. If you pay attention, and SEEK TO LEARN, you will find out many things about women, particularly those who are the subject of your study.
To give an analogy:
In Spanish class, if you TRY to learn the language (more than just “the bathroom” and “food, please”) you’ll succeed. You’ll find you are able to understand more than you ever thought possible when someone speaks in Spanish to you. But, if you only pick up the words you like and want (“cars”, “food”, and “video games”), you’ll find you miss out on most of any given conversation en espanol.
Likewise, if you apply yourself to learning about women, and truly seek to understand them (with the belief that you can), you will! It will take approximately one lifetime, give or take a few years, but you’ll do it. You will be able to understand the women in your life in a way today’s culture says is impossible. On the other hand, if you only find out what you want to about women (how to get them to giggle, and get a second date, etc.) you’ll miss out on the majority of the joy that something like a marriage can bring.
One of the best ways to learn Spanish, as is proven over and over again, is to speak it. If you spend half an hour a day speaking in Spanish with a friend, you’ll also understand more of what he is saying. But, if you only listen to it, you’ll never be able to utilize your knowledge of the language fully.
In the same way, PRACTICE and ACT on what you find in your study of women. This won’t only impress them (assuming you’ve been studying diligently), but it will give you a better understanding. To never use the understanding of women that you have is to stop halfway on the journey – it just doesn’t make the cut.
So, men, I challenge you – to consciously study (and I don’t mean stare at) women in your life so that you can understand them better. Your wife will appreciate it someday.
Monday, December 28, 2009
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Men, it's time we faced the truth. If we look at our everyday actions and thoughts, we don't respect the opposite gender as we should. Whether it be verbally making fun of someone, treating women as sex objects, or not treating them as equals, we just don't seem to really respect them.
Why? Why can we not respect for who they are: creations of God Almighty, created from man in God's image, important and EQUAL to men.
I chuckle now, because I know many of you will jump on the last three words of that sentence; "EQUAL to men". It's something that many people believe is untrue; that women are suppost to submit, which makes them weaker, lesser, and all around not as important as men. This is a FALSE assumption; the Bible clearly teaches submission, but does not teach inequality.
Men and women are created differently, for different tasks and purposes. Men are created and designed to be the more physical, rough, planning, logical ones, whereas women are created to be sensitive, nuturing, emotional, detailed. There is no shame in one or the other; it's the way GOD designed us to be. So, since there is no shame, say men are better than women is comparing apples and oranges.
Before moving on, I will state that I do believe the Bible teaches that men should be spiritual leaders - in the home and in the church. Again, this is not a matter of equality, but what we were created for and mandated to do by God.
What exactly IS respect? Is it the manner in which one esteems another? Or is it the acknowledgment of one's character? I would define respect as the showing and acknowledgment of someone's good character, their right actions, and their value as a human. Now, many people can only hit the mark on one of those three things (being a human), but that (as being made in God's image) still demands respect.
So, respect. How does one show it? Must it be earned? Can you lose it?
You show respect to another in the way that you treat them - do you treat them as valuable and important, worthwhile? Or do you treat them as inferior, distasteful, and not worth the time of day? Granted, that's the extreme, but I've made my point- each person you meet you ought to give respect to, as a fellow creation of God, made in his image. Do you treat them as YOU see them (the outside) or as God sees them (a beloved creation)? The implications of this follow with many actions, but be careful not to make it into a "to do list" that you must perform.
Respect is a different commodity in that it must be earned, but also freely given. You ought to, whoever you are, seek to be as much in the likeness of Christ as possible (therefore, seeking Him daily) and then the right actions and good character shall follow. At the same time, you are expected to give respect to others freely, based on the sole fact that they are made in God's image, just as you are. What a strange concept! It is contrary to what society and our culture tell us - that you must be valuable in our eyes to recieve respect - but it comes from a true understanding of God's love (that you must recieve before you can give- "He loved us first...").
Since respect is this strange commodity, then it is possible to lose it - on the basis of right actions and good character. A popular senator who has an affair, loses (and rightly so) respect when the fact is revealed. He has done a WRONG action, showing BAD character, and therefore, has lost respect. But he has not lost all respect - he still is loved by God, and therefore should be loved and respected (to a degree) by others. So, where some may have earned more respect than others, and some may have lost that same respect, no one should ever be without respect comepletely. In the Bible, we can easily see people who have earned different levels of respect (and many who have lost), but all are still human. Cain and Abel - earned and were given different amounts of respect, and rightly so - but, even still, God had mercy and loved Cain by not killing him immediately. By this example, we can see that it is possible to lose respect, but it is not possible to lose our humanity.
How does this applie to gentleman (or, as I shall now call them, "God's men")? It all seems so broad and general, and it is - it applies to all mankind!
In terms of ladies and God's men, we as God's men ought to show each lady that we meet (who, exactly, that is is covered in previous blog posts) respect. We ought to treat each of them as the utmost respect - the creation that is like us, and from us, and even part of us - THAT is how we are to treat them! As part of ourselves. In Ephesians 5, Paul says that husbands ought to their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ is the head of the church, but shows much compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy for his church. In the same way, we, as God's men, ought to show compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy towards others - ladies especially.
In societies and cultures past, the term "gentleman" applied only to the upper class - those who deserved and had earned respect from others. Let each one of us, as God's men, show the world what a man really is, and how he respects others.
Why? Why can we not respect for who they are: creations of God Almighty, created from man in God's image, important and EQUAL to men.
I chuckle now, because I know many of you will jump on the last three words of that sentence; "EQUAL to men". It's something that many people believe is untrue; that women are suppost to submit, which makes them weaker, lesser, and all around not as important as men. This is a FALSE assumption; the Bible clearly teaches submission, but does not teach inequality.
Men and women are created differently, for different tasks and purposes. Men are created and designed to be the more physical, rough, planning, logical ones, whereas women are created to be sensitive, nuturing, emotional, detailed. There is no shame in one or the other; it's the way GOD designed us to be. So, since there is no shame, say men are better than women is comparing apples and oranges.
Before moving on, I will state that I do believe the Bible teaches that men should be spiritual leaders - in the home and in the church. Again, this is not a matter of equality, but what we were created for and mandated to do by God.
What exactly IS respect? Is it the manner in which one esteems another? Or is it the acknowledgment of one's character? I would define respect as the showing and acknowledgment of someone's good character, their right actions, and their value as a human. Now, many people can only hit the mark on one of those three things (being a human), but that (as being made in God's image) still demands respect.
So, respect. How does one show it? Must it be earned? Can you lose it?
You show respect to another in the way that you treat them - do you treat them as valuable and important, worthwhile? Or do you treat them as inferior, distasteful, and not worth the time of day? Granted, that's the extreme, but I've made my point- each person you meet you ought to give respect to, as a fellow creation of God, made in his image. Do you treat them as YOU see them (the outside) or as God sees them (a beloved creation)? The implications of this follow with many actions, but be careful not to make it into a "to do list" that you must perform.
Respect is a different commodity in that it must be earned, but also freely given. You ought to, whoever you are, seek to be as much in the likeness of Christ as possible (therefore, seeking Him daily) and then the right actions and good character shall follow. At the same time, you are expected to give respect to others freely, based on the sole fact that they are made in God's image, just as you are. What a strange concept! It is contrary to what society and our culture tell us - that you must be valuable in our eyes to recieve respect - but it comes from a true understanding of God's love (that you must recieve before you can give- "He loved us first...").
Since respect is this strange commodity, then it is possible to lose it - on the basis of right actions and good character. A popular senator who has an affair, loses (and rightly so) respect when the fact is revealed. He has done a WRONG action, showing BAD character, and therefore, has lost respect. But he has not lost all respect - he still is loved by God, and therefore should be loved and respected (to a degree) by others. So, where some may have earned more respect than others, and some may have lost that same respect, no one should ever be without respect comepletely. In the Bible, we can easily see people who have earned different levels of respect (and many who have lost), but all are still human. Cain and Abel - earned and were given different amounts of respect, and rightly so - but, even still, God had mercy and loved Cain by not killing him immediately. By this example, we can see that it is possible to lose respect, but it is not possible to lose our humanity.
How does this applie to gentleman (or, as I shall now call them, "God's men")? It all seems so broad and general, and it is - it applies to all mankind!
In terms of ladies and God's men, we as God's men ought to show each lady that we meet (who, exactly, that is is covered in previous blog posts) respect. We ought to treat each of them as the utmost respect - the creation that is like us, and from us, and even part of us - THAT is how we are to treat them! As part of ourselves. In Ephesians 5, Paul says that husbands ought to their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ is the head of the church, but shows much compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy for his church. In the same way, we, as God's men, ought to show compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy towards others - ladies especially.
In societies and cultures past, the term "gentleman" applied only to the upper class - those who deserved and had earned respect from others. Let each one of us, as God's men, show the world what a man really is, and how he respects others.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A Gentleman Apologizes
First, let me apologize for Blogger. After struggling to work with them on why my posts have not been appearing, they finally fixed it. So, now you can read my post (obviously).
Second, let me preface this post by saying that this is a true event, and not one I am particularly proud of. Therefore, gentlemen, take note of not only what TO do, but also what NOT TO do.
Recently, there was a gathering of friends at my apartment. We were sitting around, talking about lots of things, and the subject of this blog came up. As there were guys in the room, I started to extol not simply my blog, but the necessity of being a gentleman. As I had the attention of the whole group, I stood on my soap box and lectured, more or less.
The problem came when I realized that although I was trying to convince my friends of the importance of being a gentleman, I was most definitely not being one. My girlfriend was in the room, and for most of the evening I'd been make jokes at her expense. Not only this, but I didn't think to treat as a lady - I simply treated her as an object. I was very tired, and not running on all cylinders, but that is no excuse.
When I realized how I was treating her, I knew that I didn't need to be there- I wasn't going to do any better by staying there. So, I simply said "Goodnight, all." and went into my bedroom, and shut the door. Soon thereafter, I went to bed, but not without thinking about how I was going to apologize to her.
The next day, I didn't get the chance to talk to her until after a bible study we both attend in the evening. Afterwards, I explained to her that I was tired, but that was no excuse. I apologized, and asked her forgiveness. I committed to be more aware of my words and actions, and asked her to help improve me by gently pointing out my weaknesses. She accepted the apology and agreed to help me improve.
The moral of the story is this: No man is too big to say "I'm sorry." And no gentleman says "I'm sorry" unless he truly means it.
Guys, be mindful of your actions, and don't blow the "little stuff" off - if you were wrong, apologize. To whoever. Not just your parents, not just your friends, not just your girlfriend - to whoever you hurt by your actions or words.
A man not only admits his mistakes, but works incredibly hard to correct them. So, fellas, take time this week to think about what you might have said or done that hurt someone, that you haven't apologized for. And after that, apologize - and mean it.
Signing off,
The Gentlemanly Doofus
Second, let me preface this post by saying that this is a true event, and not one I am particularly proud of. Therefore, gentlemen, take note of not only what TO do, but also what NOT TO do.
Recently, there was a gathering of friends at my apartment. We were sitting around, talking about lots of things, and the subject of this blog came up. As there were guys in the room, I started to extol not simply my blog, but the necessity of being a gentleman. As I had the attention of the whole group, I stood on my soap box and lectured, more or less.
The problem came when I realized that although I was trying to convince my friends of the importance of being a gentleman, I was most definitely not being one. My girlfriend was in the room, and for most of the evening I'd been make jokes at her expense. Not only this, but I didn't think to treat as a lady - I simply treated her as an object. I was very tired, and not running on all cylinders, but that is no excuse.
When I realized how I was treating her, I knew that I didn't need to be there- I wasn't going to do any better by staying there. So, I simply said "Goodnight, all." and went into my bedroom, and shut the door. Soon thereafter, I went to bed, but not without thinking about how I was going to apologize to her.
The next day, I didn't get the chance to talk to her until after a bible study we both attend in the evening. Afterwards, I explained to her that I was tired, but that was no excuse. I apologized, and asked her forgiveness. I committed to be more aware of my words and actions, and asked her to help improve me by gently pointing out my weaknesses. She accepted the apology and agreed to help me improve.
The moral of the story is this: No man is too big to say "I'm sorry." And no gentleman says "I'm sorry" unless he truly means it.
Guys, be mindful of your actions, and don't blow the "little stuff" off - if you were wrong, apologize. To whoever. Not just your parents, not just your friends, not just your girlfriend - to whoever you hurt by your actions or words.
A man not only admits his mistakes, but works incredibly hard to correct them. So, fellas, take time this week to think about what you might have said or done that hurt someone, that you haven't apologized for. And after that, apologize - and mean it.
Signing off,
The Gentlemanly Doofus
Monday, October 19, 2009
The Definition of a Lady
So, you’ve heard the phrase “Ladies and Gentleman,…” more times than you can remember. And odds are, it probably just meant “girls and guys,…” the way it was said. In my first post, and restated in my last post, we discussed what a gentleman truly is, and why you ought to be one. Since our culture (and in this case, rightly so) pairs gentlemen with ladies, you need to know what a lady is. Girls, pay attention, see what you think of this guy’s definition of a lady and whether you fit or not, and then comment if you disagree (please state with what and why).
So, for all practical purposes, guys, a lady is… any girl. That’s right, you should treat (we’ll discuss how) any girl you meet, know, see, hear of, etc. as a lady. Why aren’t there more qualifications? Well, females are a gift, from God:
“So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’” (Genesis 2:21-23, ESV)
Because all females are considered “flesh of (my) flesh”, and because they were created by God, then they are also made in God’s image, and therefore to be treated just as well as we (guys) treat ourselves. In Ephesians 5, it talks about men loving their wives as Christ loves the church. That definitely applies in a specific sense to your wife, but it implies that women are special in their own way, and ought to be treated as such.
Now, for a better picture of a lady (besides the first definition I gave), so you know what to look for when looking for a wife, or even a good friend, see Proverbs 31. Just a few things to be garnered from that passage (v. 10-31) include: Trustworthiness (v. 11), helpful (v. 12), willing worker (v. 13), diligent (v. 15 and v. 27), caring (v. 21), wise (v. 26), kind (v. 26), and God-fearing (v. 30). I won’t discuss each of these things here, but take time to think about them. Guys, if you are in a dating or courting relationship, consider how many of the aforementioned qualities you see in her. And girls, when you think about yourselves honestly, is this a picture of you, or is this too much to ask?
Again, if you (and this applies to all posts – past, present, and future) disagree with anything I say, let me know. Maybe I’m wrong - it wouldn’t be the first time. But I’ll never know until someone challenges me. Oh, and check out the guestbook and poll on the right hand side of the page, too. Let me know what YOU think.
-The Gentle Doofus
So, for all practical purposes, guys, a lady is… any girl. That’s right, you should treat (we’ll discuss how) any girl you meet, know, see, hear of, etc. as a lady. Why aren’t there more qualifications? Well, females are a gift, from God:
“So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’” (Genesis 2:21-23, ESV)
Because all females are considered “flesh of (my) flesh”, and because they were created by God, then they are also made in God’s image, and therefore to be treated just as well as we (guys) treat ourselves. In Ephesians 5, it talks about men loving their wives as Christ loves the church. That definitely applies in a specific sense to your wife, but it implies that women are special in their own way, and ought to be treated as such.
Now, for a better picture of a lady (besides the first definition I gave), so you know what to look for when looking for a wife, or even a good friend, see Proverbs 31. Just a few things to be garnered from that passage (v. 10-31) include: Trustworthiness (v. 11), helpful (v. 12), willing worker (v. 13), diligent (v. 15 and v. 27), caring (v. 21), wise (v. 26), kind (v. 26), and God-fearing (v. 30). I won’t discuss each of these things here, but take time to think about them. Guys, if you are in a dating or courting relationship, consider how many of the aforementioned qualities you see in her. And girls, when you think about yourselves honestly, is this a picture of you, or is this too much to ask?
Again, if you (and this applies to all posts – past, present, and future) disagree with anything I say, let me know. Maybe I’m wrong - it wouldn’t be the first time. But I’ll never know until someone challenges me. Oh, and check out the guestbook and poll on the right hand side of the page, too. Let me know what YOU think.
-The Gentle Doofus
Monday, October 12, 2009
Why be a Gentleman?
So, maybe you checked out last week’s post. Maybe you haven’t. Whatever the case, focus on this post. It’s going to (hopefully) put the rest of what I will say in perspective. So, let’s do a quick review of what a gentleman is:
“Gentle - not rough, uncouth, but kind, tenderhearted, gracious, and thoughtful.
Man - not simply a male, but a guy who has devoted his life to seeking Christ, all the while seeking to build a home and career on his faith. The combination of these two things make up a gentleman.”
So why be a gentleman? “What’s the point? Will I have to sacrifice my masculinity? I don’t want to be weak.“ The answer is simple, yet hard to grasp. Are you ready?
God commands us to be men- HIS men. At the basic level, it’s that simple.
First of all, he wants us to dedicate ourselves to him:
Romans 12:1 (ESV) “I appeal to you therefore, bothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual act of worship.” So, we are to give ourselves completely (sacrifice) to God.
Second, he wants us to glorify him:
I Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” So, our WHOLE LIFE should be to God’s glory.
God also sets our example as Christ:
I Corinthians 11:1 “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Christ was perfect, so we have a perfect example of a (gentle)man before us. So, if you have questions as to how to be a gentleman, look to Christ.
So we know that we are commanded to be men, but what about gentlemen? The bible doesn’t mention specifically the word “gentleman” but instead talks about what a man should be and why, because God assumes that a man and a gentleman are the same thing. “Gentlemen” is just what "men" have labeled it to differentiate between "gentlemen" and "men" - so that we can be "mnn" without having to do the things God requires of men.
Besides the fact that being a gentleman is what is expected of us by God, it’s what God designed to help us find wives. THAT is a whole different blog post in itself.
Till next week,
The Gentle Doofus
“Gentle - not rough, uncouth, but kind, tenderhearted, gracious, and thoughtful.
Man - not simply a male, but a guy who has devoted his life to seeking Christ, all the while seeking to build a home and career on his faith. The combination of these two things make up a gentleman.”
So why be a gentleman? “What’s the point? Will I have to sacrifice my masculinity? I don’t want to be weak.“ The answer is simple, yet hard to grasp. Are you ready?
God commands us to be men- HIS men. At the basic level, it’s that simple.
First of all, he wants us to dedicate ourselves to him:
Romans 12:1 (ESV) “I appeal to you therefore, bothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual act of worship.” So, we are to give ourselves completely (sacrifice) to God.
Second, he wants us to glorify him:
I Corinthians 10:31 “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” So, our WHOLE LIFE should be to God’s glory.
God also sets our example as Christ:
I Corinthians 11:1 “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” Christ was perfect, so we have a perfect example of a (gentle)man before us. So, if you have questions as to how to be a gentleman, look to Christ.
So we know that we are commanded to be men, but what about gentlemen? The bible doesn’t mention specifically the word “gentleman” but instead talks about what a man should be and why, because God assumes that a man and a gentleman are the same thing. “Gentlemen” is just what "men" have labeled it to differentiate between "gentlemen" and "men" - so that we can be "mnn" without having to do the things God requires of men.
Besides the fact that being a gentleman is what is expected of us by God, it’s what God designed to help us find wives. THAT is a whole different blog post in itself.
Till next week,
The Gentle Doofus
Monday, October 5, 2009
A New Direction
Ahh, how long it's been. Months! What a horrible blogger I am. Yes, I know what you are thinking; "It's about time! I've ben waiting for him to update his blog forever, just so I can know what he's up to!" Well, you'll have to wait a bit longer - this blog is no longer devoted to me and my life, but to my thoughts and convictions regarding chivalry - being a true gentleman. I hope that you, guy or gal, will enjoy this, but more than that - take it to heart. These aren't just the musings of a college student - the are the thoughts and wisdom of a student of chivalry - of a young man who strives to be the gentleman every man should be.
What is Chivalry? Dictionary.com defines it as " the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." I define it as the practice of being a gentleman. So what's a gentleman? A gentleman is not what the world considers a "manly-man". He doesn't do things to impress girls - he does things to respect girls. It's simple - split the word "gentleman" into its two parts:
Okay, ladies, I know that this doesn't seem like it has much application for you. Yes, you are correct in thinking that you do not need to know how to be a gentleman. BUT- you do need to know what to expect from any and every guy you meet. Part of the reason that the species "homosapiens -gentlemanus" has died out is because most girls don't expect every guy to be a gentleman, and so guys don't feel the need to meet an expectation that isn't there. So ladies, expect, no, DEMAND that any guy pursuing your heart (or any guy hanging around you, for that matter) be a gentleman. If he realizes that you are worth it, (which I know each and every one of you are) than he will learn quickly and gladly.
Guys, dudes, boys, and men - whatever category you think you fall into, odds are that gentleman is not one of them. Harsh, I know, but true. There just are very few males willing to act as a gentleman should anymore. If you are a gentleman (hold yourself to high standard to call yourself that), then I applaud you, and ask that you add your thoughts and wisdom through comments and emails to this blog. But the rest of you, take heart! Men were designed by God to be gentlemen - but sin has weakened us. If you have Christ as the center in your life, being a gentleman is SO MUCH EASIER. If you don't, you won't understand half the reasoning behind what I say.
If you read this regularly, you will read both abstract and practical, both physical and emotional, and both funny and serious advice. But it isn't advice for you to tuck away for a rainy day - it's advice to apply to your life IMMEDIATELY. It's also a good idea to pass this on. Girls, if you know of a guy (brother, friend, classmate) who could use a lesson or two, let him know about this blog. Guys, be man enough to tell your friends that they need to know this, too.
One last thing before I end - I don't claim to know everything, or be the perfect gentleman. As I said before, I'm a STUDENT of chivalry. But, someone needs to step up and say what needs to be heard, and that what I plan to do. I'll reference other sites, books, authors, bloggers, and people as I strive to drive home the points. Don't look at me as a Pharisee, but rather a disciple of Christ - humble, but speaking with His power and authority. If you have any questions, I may not know the answer, but I WILL do all I can to find the answer for you.
Signing off,
The Gentlemanly Doofus
What is Chivalry? Dictionary.com defines it as " the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms." I define it as the practice of being a gentleman. So what's a gentleman? A gentleman is not what the world considers a "manly-man". He doesn't do things to impress girls - he does things to respect girls. It's simple - split the word "gentleman" into its two parts:
- Gentle - not rough, uncouth, but kind, tenderhearted, gracious, and thoughtful.
- Man - not simply a male, but a guy who has devoted his life to seeking Christ, all the while seeking to build a home and career on his faith.
Okay, ladies, I know that this doesn't seem like it has much application for you. Yes, you are correct in thinking that you do not need to know how to be a gentleman. BUT- you do need to know what to expect from any and every guy you meet. Part of the reason that the species "homosapiens -gentlemanus" has died out is because most girls don't expect every guy to be a gentleman, and so guys don't feel the need to meet an expectation that isn't there. So ladies, expect, no, DEMAND that any guy pursuing your heart (or any guy hanging around you, for that matter) be a gentleman. If he realizes that you are worth it, (which I know each and every one of you are) than he will learn quickly and gladly.
Guys, dudes, boys, and men - whatever category you think you fall into, odds are that gentleman is not one of them. Harsh, I know, but true. There just are very few males willing to act as a gentleman should anymore. If you are a gentleman (hold yourself to high standard to call yourself that), then I applaud you, and ask that you add your thoughts and wisdom through comments and emails to this blog. But the rest of you, take heart! Men were designed by God to be gentlemen - but sin has weakened us. If you have Christ as the center in your life, being a gentleman is SO MUCH EASIER. If you don't, you won't understand half the reasoning behind what I say.
If you read this regularly, you will read both abstract and practical, both physical and emotional, and both funny and serious advice. But it isn't advice for you to tuck away for a rainy day - it's advice to apply to your life IMMEDIATELY. It's also a good idea to pass this on. Girls, if you know of a guy (brother, friend, classmate) who could use a lesson or two, let him know about this blog. Guys, be man enough to tell your friends that they need to know this, too.
One last thing before I end - I don't claim to know everything, or be the perfect gentleman. As I said before, I'm a STUDENT of chivalry. But, someone needs to step up and say what needs to be heard, and that what I plan to do. I'll reference other sites, books, authors, bloggers, and people as I strive to drive home the points. Don't look at me as a Pharisee, but rather a disciple of Christ - humble, but speaking with His power and authority. If you have any questions, I may not know the answer, but I WILL do all I can to find the answer for you.
Signing off,
The Gentlemanly Doofus
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Moving...sort of...
For those of you who are reading this for the mission updates, there's been a change: my mission team now has it's own blog, and that's where I'll be posting everything. Check it out:
http://www.airdrie09.blogspot.com/
Anyways, enjoy the new blog!
-Joel
http://www.airdrie09.blogspot.com/
Anyways, enjoy the new blog!
-Joel
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Arrived!
I've arrived!
After the grueling (not really) set of airports and flights (Kansas City-Chicago-London/Heathrow-Edinburgh), I'm finally in Airdrie, Scotland. I didn't sleep much on the flight over the Atlantic like I had planned, but hopefully tonight I'll be plenty tired enough to get some good sleep and get in to the right schedule for Scotland. Oh, and the Mountain Dew made it over okay, too. :P
In Chicago, I, Brett, and Amelia met up with 3 other team members - Ben, Heather, and Jacque. From there, we traveled together the rest of the way. The only other team member here currently (3:45 in the Afternoon)is Stephen McCollum, our team leader. The other three team members will be joining us later - Joe and Maggie will get here this Saturday, and Staci will arrive in the middle of June.
We met with Andrew Quigley, the pastor here at the Airdrie Reformed Presbyterian Church, and tomorrow, we'll start planning for the school presentations that we'll be doing.
I can't write too much - I haven't found a wall outlet adapter for my computer to charge with yet, and my battery is low. Here are some pics of the team members I have so far:
Stephen McCollum - our Fearless Leader
Brett Schmidt
Amelia Ward and Jacque Decker
After the grueling (not really) set of airports and flights (Kansas City-Chicago-London/Heathrow-Edinburgh), I'm finally in Airdrie, Scotland. I didn't sleep much on the flight over the Atlantic like I had planned, but hopefully tonight I'll be plenty tired enough to get some good sleep and get in to the right schedule for Scotland. Oh, and the Mountain Dew made it over okay, too. :P
In Chicago, I, Brett, and Amelia met up with 3 other team members - Ben, Heather, and Jacque. From there, we traveled together the rest of the way. The only other team member here currently (3:45 in the Afternoon)is Stephen McCollum, our team leader. The other three team members will be joining us later - Joe and Maggie will get here this Saturday, and Staci will arrive in the middle of June.
We met with Andrew Quigley, the pastor here at the Airdrie Reformed Presbyterian Church, and tomorrow, we'll start planning for the school presentations that we'll be doing.
I can't write too much - I haven't found a wall outlet adapter for my computer to charge with yet, and my battery is low. Here are some pics of the team members I have so far:
Stephen McCollum - our Fearless Leader
Brett Schmidt
Heather Miller
Ben Gordon
Amelia Ward and Jacque Decker
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Aye, Scotland!
Hear ye, hear ye: I'm going to Scotland.
"Scotland?!?", you say? Aye, Scotland. I'll being going over there for a month on a RP Missions trip to Airdrie (near Edinburgh). I will leave tomorrow afternoon, and be back in the US on June 25th. While I'm there, I'll be using my blog to post pictures and updates of what's going on. Stay tuned for some really good stuff!
What I, and 9 others, will be doing while we are over there will be several things:
Literature distribution - going door to door and handing out flyers and pamphlets about the Airdrie Reformed Presbyterian Church, etc. This will be the toughest part for me- I've never truly done door-to-door stuff before. Pray for me!
School Presentations - These will be (as far as I can tell) mini-Vacation Bible Schools. I don't know what age groups or schools we will be at, so keep posted to find out!
Painting, Gardening, etc. - We will also be doing some manual labor around the Airdrie Church. Don't know what all that contains.
Working with the youth - the Church Youth don't have a lot of contact with Christian peers, so we'll hang out/work with them some, too. I really look forward to this part. I'll be taking Mountain Dew over there, because the youth really like it- but it's not available in the UK.
So, post a comment if you have questions, etc. I won't post every day, but I'll post somewhere around twice a week.
See ya'll later!
"Scotland?!?", you say? Aye, Scotland. I'll being going over there for a month on a RP Missions trip to Airdrie (near Edinburgh). I will leave tomorrow afternoon, and be back in the US on June 25th. While I'm there, I'll be using my blog to post pictures and updates of what's going on. Stay tuned for some really good stuff!
What I, and 9 others, will be doing while we are over there will be several things:
Literature distribution - going door to door and handing out flyers and pamphlets about the Airdrie Reformed Presbyterian Church, etc. This will be the toughest part for me- I've never truly done door-to-door stuff before. Pray for me!
School Presentations - These will be (as far as I can tell) mini-Vacation Bible Schools. I don't know what age groups or schools we will be at, so keep posted to find out!
Painting, Gardening, etc. - We will also be doing some manual labor around the Airdrie Church. Don't know what all that contains.
Working with the youth - the Church Youth don't have a lot of contact with Christian peers, so we'll hang out/work with them some, too. I really look forward to this part. I'll be taking Mountain Dew over there, because the youth really like it- but it's not available in the UK.
So, post a comment if you have questions, etc. I won't post every day, but I'll post somewhere around twice a week.
See ya'll later!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
A Guy Who Has No Clue
I'm a guy who has no clue-
No clue about what to do.
I don't know how to convey it,
I don't know how to portray it,
I just know how to pray it.
This start of a poem explains how I have felt the past couple of months. Yes, it's been a while since I posted, and I kept meaning to post something, but didn't. Right now, my life (spiritually, emotionally, academically) is crazy. I don't want to be a whiner (too late, right?) but I really don't know what to do in each of these categories. I will ask you (the reader) for some advice - you're probably smarter than I am. I will try to be vague in some ways, like not naming names, because I try to respect peoples privacy. Okay, here goes.
Spiritually, I am being constantly molded and perfected by God. This is not a bad thing - we all go through it, but it usually isn't easy. I am trying to constantly live a life worthy of Christ (and fail often), but have a hard time dealing with a specific sin. I have talked to people about it, prayed about it, asked God to give me the strength to resist it, and I keep falling into it. Any ideas as to what I should do?
Academically, I am doing okay in most of my classes, except for Calculus I. I took it in High School, but didn't learn anything, really (anything I learned was incorrect - the teacher was somewhat to blame, but it was my fault, too). So, I am taking it again in College, and it is owning me. I am aiming to just pass it, now. I really am having trouble - I signed up for a free tutor, but that hasn't gone through yet. Any recommendations?
Emotionally, I can explain it best this way:
"I" doesn't know what to do. "Me" and "myself" are arguing, and "I" is confused. "I" is still dealing with some emotional pain (yes, female-related) and is trying to work through that. "Me" is interested in another girl, who goes to KSU. This other girl is extremely nice, etc., but "Me" is not being very considerate of "I". "Myself" is growing more and more interested in a different girl than "Me", who is not nearby at all. "I" just wants the other two to shut up until further notice, but "Me" and "Myself" start arguing loudly and "I" can't help but get involved. Recently, "I" agreed to let "Me" have a chance, in hopes that "I" can overcome "Me" and when presented with an opportunity to continue down "Me"'s path, that "I" can stay "just friends". "Myself" seems to be biding his time, waiting for the right moment to take advantage of both "I" and "Me".
Now, that might not make much sense, and if it doesn't, ask me about it. Anyways, what should I do to help all three, "I", "Me", and "Myself", get along?
No clue about what to do.
I don't know how to convey it,
I don't know how to portray it,
I just know how to pray it.
This start of a poem explains how I have felt the past couple of months. Yes, it's been a while since I posted, and I kept meaning to post something, but didn't. Right now, my life (spiritually, emotionally, academically) is crazy. I don't want to be a whiner (too late, right?) but I really don't know what to do in each of these categories. I will ask you (the reader) for some advice - you're probably smarter than I am. I will try to be vague in some ways, like not naming names, because I try to respect peoples privacy. Okay, here goes.
Spiritually, I am being constantly molded and perfected by God. This is not a bad thing - we all go through it, but it usually isn't easy. I am trying to constantly live a life worthy of Christ (and fail often), but have a hard time dealing with a specific sin. I have talked to people about it, prayed about it, asked God to give me the strength to resist it, and I keep falling into it. Any ideas as to what I should do?
Academically, I am doing okay in most of my classes, except for Calculus I. I took it in High School, but didn't learn anything, really (anything I learned was incorrect - the teacher was somewhat to blame, but it was my fault, too). So, I am taking it again in College, and it is owning me. I am aiming to just pass it, now. I really am having trouble - I signed up for a free tutor, but that hasn't gone through yet. Any recommendations?
Emotionally, I can explain it best this way:
"I" doesn't know what to do. "Me" and "myself" are arguing, and "I" is confused. "I" is still dealing with some emotional pain (yes, female-related) and is trying to work through that. "Me" is interested in another girl, who goes to KSU. This other girl is extremely nice, etc., but "Me" is not being very considerate of "I". "Myself" is growing more and more interested in a different girl than "Me", who is not nearby at all. "I" just wants the other two to shut up until further notice, but "Me" and "Myself" start arguing loudly and "I" can't help but get involved. Recently, "I" agreed to let "Me" have a chance, in hopes that "I" can overcome "Me" and when presented with an opportunity to continue down "Me"'s path, that "I" can stay "just friends". "Myself" seems to be biding his time, waiting for the right moment to take advantage of both "I" and "Me".
Now, that might not make much sense, and if it doesn't, ask me about it. Anyways, what should I do to help all three, "I", "Me", and "Myself", get along?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Facebook/Internet Fast for February
Ahem.
AHem.
AHEM!!
Thank you. Now that I have your undivided attention, I would like to make an announcement. I shall not be on facebook, or the general internet, for all of February (starting tomorrow). I feel like the internet is distracting me from a lot of things (God, homework, etc) and that I need to spend a lot of time away from the internet. So, I will not post on my blog, check my facebook, or do any other internet action for February.
Be not alarmed, though - I still will have email. Because teachers use it to get in touch with me about homework, I will still check my email. I will also use internet for the online quizzes and homework I have to do, but that will be all. So, if you want to talk to me, call me or email me. You won't reach me any other way (that means no skype, aim, etc.).
Thank you. That will be all. Be back in March!
AHem.
AHEM!!
Thank you. Now that I have your undivided attention, I would like to make an announcement. I shall not be on facebook, or the general internet, for all of February (starting tomorrow). I feel like the internet is distracting me from a lot of things (God, homework, etc) and that I need to spend a lot of time away from the internet. So, I will not post on my blog, check my facebook, or do any other internet action for February.
Be not alarmed, though - I still will have email. Because teachers use it to get in touch with me about homework, I will still check my email. I will also use internet for the online quizzes and homework I have to do, but that will be all. So, if you want to talk to me, call me or email me. You won't reach me any other way (that means no skype, aim, etc.).
Thank you. That will be all. Be back in March!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Story, Part 4
As Jude pulled into Ryan’s driveway, he saw only two other cars there, neither of which he recognized. He wondered how many people were going to be at the poker party, and hoped it wouldn’t be more than nine or ten. He shut his car off, and as he opened the door, he heard a SPLAT on his windshield. As he looked through to water running down the glass, he saw Ryan aiming another water balloon at him. Jude dove out of the car, and ran for cover behind some bushes. After he heard Ryan launch the balloon, he started running straight for Ryan and the water balloons.
“AAARRRGGGGHHH! Take that, Jude! And that!” Ryan forgot about aiming and just threw the water balloons as fast as he could. Jude managed to duck all of them, and cried back,
“Ryan! This… is… SPARTA! Prepare for glory, you dork!” Jude reached Ryan just as he was pulling back for the next throw, and smashed the water balloon while it was still in Ryan’s hand, spraying both of them with ice cold water. As they stood there laughing at each other, Jude remembered when he and his dad would have water fights during the summer nights, and how much fun they had. I wonder if Ryan was trying to remind me of Dad. No, he couldn’t be; I don’t think I ever told him about those water fights.
“So, you ready to lose, dude?” Ryan asked. Ryan had been the one to teach Jude how to play poker, during homeroom in school.
“Um, no, not really. I came prepared to win, like always, man.” Jude had been getting better, but still had trouble remembering what all the different hands were called.
“Sure, Jude, sure. I invited some of the other guys over, like Dave, Robbie, and Josh. They’re all cool, you know.” Dave, Robbie, and Josh were all classmates of Ryan and Jude’s, and none of them were “party”-goers.
“Sounds like a plan. So, where’s the food, dude? I’m freakin’ starving!” Jude was pretty hungry, since he hadn’t eaten since breakfast.
“Inside. We got pizza, pop, and ice cream. Come on!” Ryan said as they walked into the house.
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