So, you know feel as though you are well on your way to becoming a gentleman – becoming a man in the sense that God meant it to be. Great! You’re feeling great, doing new things, and then, it hits you:
“Wait a minute – why am I doing this? Girls don’t even notice it. Sheesh, I can’t even understand girls.”
You tell this to your friend, and he says, “Well, no one understands girls – they’re girls, man. They’re just weird. Don’t even try to figure them out.”
After this, you continue on your quest to becoming a gentleman, but feel as though it’s not as big a deal – “if I can’t understand girls, why even try to impress them?” It’s easy to feel this way, as though you’ve lost part of your purpose on this journey, but it’s false. This may come across as radical and dumb to some of you, but hear me when I say that today’s culture is teaching men more lies than truths.
Culture, and even some men in the church, tells us that girls are different enough that we won’t ever figure them out. I say, as some others do, that it just isn’t so. Men CAN understand women – God created us in such a way that we are different from the opposite gender, but we are still the same species. The key that has been lost over the ages, is to study women.
I have a friend, a lady, who is most passionate about the subject matter of this blog. During one lengthy discussion we had, she mentioned something to the effect that “Men just need to study women more.” “Brilliant!” I thought. “Now where is the study guide to go along with that?” Sadly, there isn’t one. It’s a matter of taking the time and effort and trying to learn about women.
It starts by learning the general things – such as “All women like chocolate” or the like. You learn this by constant contact with those closest to you, usually your mother and sisters. You learn some of the broader points of how women work and think, and then you start to learn the finer points.
The finer points usually come from close friendships or dating relationships with women. If you pay attention, and SEEK TO LEARN, you will find out many things about women, particularly those who are the subject of your study.
To give an analogy:
In Spanish class, if you TRY to learn the language (more than just “the bathroom” and “food, please”) you’ll succeed. You’ll find you are able to understand more than you ever thought possible when someone speaks in Spanish to you. But, if you only pick up the words you like and want (“cars”, “food”, and “video games”), you’ll find you miss out on most of any given conversation en espanol.
Likewise, if you apply yourself to learning about women, and truly seek to understand them (with the belief that you can), you will! It will take approximately one lifetime, give or take a few years, but you’ll do it. You will be able to understand the women in your life in a way today’s culture says is impossible. On the other hand, if you only find out what you want to about women (how to get them to giggle, and get a second date, etc.) you’ll miss out on the majority of the joy that something like a marriage can bring.
One of the best ways to learn Spanish, as is proven over and over again, is to speak it. If you spend half an hour a day speaking in Spanish with a friend, you’ll also understand more of what he is saying. But, if you only listen to it, you’ll never be able to utilize your knowledge of the language fully.
In the same way, PRACTICE and ACT on what you find in your study of women. This won’t only impress them (assuming you’ve been studying diligently), but it will give you a better understanding. To never use the understanding of women that you have is to stop halfway on the journey – it just doesn’t make the cut.
So, men, I challenge you – to consciously study (and I don’t mean stare at) women in your life so that you can understand them better. Your wife will appreciate it someday.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Men, it's time we faced the truth. If we look at our everyday actions and thoughts, we don't respect the opposite gender as we should. Whether it be verbally making fun of someone, treating women as sex objects, or not treating them as equals, we just don't seem to really respect them.
Why? Why can we not respect for who they are: creations of God Almighty, created from man in God's image, important and EQUAL to men.
I chuckle now, because I know many of you will jump on the last three words of that sentence; "EQUAL to men". It's something that many people believe is untrue; that women are suppost to submit, which makes them weaker, lesser, and all around not as important as men. This is a FALSE assumption; the Bible clearly teaches submission, but does not teach inequality.
Men and women are created differently, for different tasks and purposes. Men are created and designed to be the more physical, rough, planning, logical ones, whereas women are created to be sensitive, nuturing, emotional, detailed. There is no shame in one or the other; it's the way GOD designed us to be. So, since there is no shame, say men are better than women is comparing apples and oranges.
Before moving on, I will state that I do believe the Bible teaches that men should be spiritual leaders - in the home and in the church. Again, this is not a matter of equality, but what we were created for and mandated to do by God.
What exactly IS respect? Is it the manner in which one esteems another? Or is it the acknowledgment of one's character? I would define respect as the showing and acknowledgment of someone's good character, their right actions, and their value as a human. Now, many people can only hit the mark on one of those three things (being a human), but that (as being made in God's image) still demands respect.
So, respect. How does one show it? Must it be earned? Can you lose it?
You show respect to another in the way that you treat them - do you treat them as valuable and important, worthwhile? Or do you treat them as inferior, distasteful, and not worth the time of day? Granted, that's the extreme, but I've made my point- each person you meet you ought to give respect to, as a fellow creation of God, made in his image. Do you treat them as YOU see them (the outside) or as God sees them (a beloved creation)? The implications of this follow with many actions, but be careful not to make it into a "to do list" that you must perform.
Respect is a different commodity in that it must be earned, but also freely given. You ought to, whoever you are, seek to be as much in the likeness of Christ as possible (therefore, seeking Him daily) and then the right actions and good character shall follow. At the same time, you are expected to give respect to others freely, based on the sole fact that they are made in God's image, just as you are. What a strange concept! It is contrary to what society and our culture tell us - that you must be valuable in our eyes to recieve respect - but it comes from a true understanding of God's love (that you must recieve before you can give- "He loved us first...").
Since respect is this strange commodity, then it is possible to lose it - on the basis of right actions and good character. A popular senator who has an affair, loses (and rightly so) respect when the fact is revealed. He has done a WRONG action, showing BAD character, and therefore, has lost respect. But he has not lost all respect - he still is loved by God, and therefore should be loved and respected (to a degree) by others. So, where some may have earned more respect than others, and some may have lost that same respect, no one should ever be without respect comepletely. In the Bible, we can easily see people who have earned different levels of respect (and many who have lost), but all are still human. Cain and Abel - earned and were given different amounts of respect, and rightly so - but, even still, God had mercy and loved Cain by not killing him immediately. By this example, we can see that it is possible to lose respect, but it is not possible to lose our humanity.
How does this applie to gentleman (or, as I shall now call them, "God's men")? It all seems so broad and general, and it is - it applies to all mankind!
In terms of ladies and God's men, we as God's men ought to show each lady that we meet (who, exactly, that is is covered in previous blog posts) respect. We ought to treat each of them as the utmost respect - the creation that is like us, and from us, and even part of us - THAT is how we are to treat them! As part of ourselves. In Ephesians 5, Paul says that husbands ought to their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ is the head of the church, but shows much compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy for his church. In the same way, we, as God's men, ought to show compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy towards others - ladies especially.
In societies and cultures past, the term "gentleman" applied only to the upper class - those who deserved and had earned respect from others. Let each one of us, as God's men, show the world what a man really is, and how he respects others.
Why? Why can we not respect for who they are: creations of God Almighty, created from man in God's image, important and EQUAL to men.
I chuckle now, because I know many of you will jump on the last three words of that sentence; "EQUAL to men". It's something that many people believe is untrue; that women are suppost to submit, which makes them weaker, lesser, and all around not as important as men. This is a FALSE assumption; the Bible clearly teaches submission, but does not teach inequality.
Men and women are created differently, for different tasks and purposes. Men are created and designed to be the more physical, rough, planning, logical ones, whereas women are created to be sensitive, nuturing, emotional, detailed. There is no shame in one or the other; it's the way GOD designed us to be. So, since there is no shame, say men are better than women is comparing apples and oranges.
Before moving on, I will state that I do believe the Bible teaches that men should be spiritual leaders - in the home and in the church. Again, this is not a matter of equality, but what we were created for and mandated to do by God.
What exactly IS respect? Is it the manner in which one esteems another? Or is it the acknowledgment of one's character? I would define respect as the showing and acknowledgment of someone's good character, their right actions, and their value as a human. Now, many people can only hit the mark on one of those three things (being a human), but that (as being made in God's image) still demands respect.
So, respect. How does one show it? Must it be earned? Can you lose it?
You show respect to another in the way that you treat them - do you treat them as valuable and important, worthwhile? Or do you treat them as inferior, distasteful, and not worth the time of day? Granted, that's the extreme, but I've made my point- each person you meet you ought to give respect to, as a fellow creation of God, made in his image. Do you treat them as YOU see them (the outside) or as God sees them (a beloved creation)? The implications of this follow with many actions, but be careful not to make it into a "to do list" that you must perform.
Respect is a different commodity in that it must be earned, but also freely given. You ought to, whoever you are, seek to be as much in the likeness of Christ as possible (therefore, seeking Him daily) and then the right actions and good character shall follow. At the same time, you are expected to give respect to others freely, based on the sole fact that they are made in God's image, just as you are. What a strange concept! It is contrary to what society and our culture tell us - that you must be valuable in our eyes to recieve respect - but it comes from a true understanding of God's love (that you must recieve before you can give- "He loved us first...").
Since respect is this strange commodity, then it is possible to lose it - on the basis of right actions and good character. A popular senator who has an affair, loses (and rightly so) respect when the fact is revealed. He has done a WRONG action, showing BAD character, and therefore, has lost respect. But he has not lost all respect - he still is loved by God, and therefore should be loved and respected (to a degree) by others. So, where some may have earned more respect than others, and some may have lost that same respect, no one should ever be without respect comepletely. In the Bible, we can easily see people who have earned different levels of respect (and many who have lost), but all are still human. Cain and Abel - earned and were given different amounts of respect, and rightly so - but, even still, God had mercy and loved Cain by not killing him immediately. By this example, we can see that it is possible to lose respect, but it is not possible to lose our humanity.
How does this applie to gentleman (or, as I shall now call them, "God's men")? It all seems so broad and general, and it is - it applies to all mankind!
In terms of ladies and God's men, we as God's men ought to show each lady that we meet (who, exactly, that is is covered in previous blog posts) respect. We ought to treat each of them as the utmost respect - the creation that is like us, and from us, and even part of us - THAT is how we are to treat them! As part of ourselves. In Ephesians 5, Paul says that husbands ought to their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ is the head of the church, but shows much compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy for his church. In the same way, we, as God's men, ought to show compassion, love, tenderness, and mercy towards others - ladies especially.
In societies and cultures past, the term "gentleman" applied only to the upper class - those who deserved and had earned respect from others. Let each one of us, as God's men, show the world what a man really is, and how he respects others.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A Gentleman Apologizes
First, let me apologize for Blogger. After struggling to work with them on why my posts have not been appearing, they finally fixed it. So, now you can read my post (obviously).
Second, let me preface this post by saying that this is a true event, and not one I am particularly proud of. Therefore, gentlemen, take note of not only what TO do, but also what NOT TO do.
Recently, there was a gathering of friends at my apartment. We were sitting around, talking about lots of things, and the subject of this blog came up. As there were guys in the room, I started to extol not simply my blog, but the necessity of being a gentleman. As I had the attention of the whole group, I stood on my soap box and lectured, more or less.
The problem came when I realized that although I was trying to convince my friends of the importance of being a gentleman, I was most definitely not being one. My girlfriend was in the room, and for most of the evening I'd been make jokes at her expense. Not only this, but I didn't think to treat as a lady - I simply treated her as an object. I was very tired, and not running on all cylinders, but that is no excuse.
When I realized how I was treating her, I knew that I didn't need to be there- I wasn't going to do any better by staying there. So, I simply said "Goodnight, all." and went into my bedroom, and shut the door. Soon thereafter, I went to bed, but not without thinking about how I was going to apologize to her.
The next day, I didn't get the chance to talk to her until after a bible study we both attend in the evening. Afterwards, I explained to her that I was tired, but that was no excuse. I apologized, and asked her forgiveness. I committed to be more aware of my words and actions, and asked her to help improve me by gently pointing out my weaknesses. She accepted the apology and agreed to help me improve.
The moral of the story is this: No man is too big to say "I'm sorry." And no gentleman says "I'm sorry" unless he truly means it.
Guys, be mindful of your actions, and don't blow the "little stuff" off - if you were wrong, apologize. To whoever. Not just your parents, not just your friends, not just your girlfriend - to whoever you hurt by your actions or words.
A man not only admits his mistakes, but works incredibly hard to correct them. So, fellas, take time this week to think about what you might have said or done that hurt someone, that you haven't apologized for. And after that, apologize - and mean it.
Signing off,
The Gentlemanly Doofus
Second, let me preface this post by saying that this is a true event, and not one I am particularly proud of. Therefore, gentlemen, take note of not only what TO do, but also what NOT TO do.
Recently, there was a gathering of friends at my apartment. We were sitting around, talking about lots of things, and the subject of this blog came up. As there were guys in the room, I started to extol not simply my blog, but the necessity of being a gentleman. As I had the attention of the whole group, I stood on my soap box and lectured, more or less.
The problem came when I realized that although I was trying to convince my friends of the importance of being a gentleman, I was most definitely not being one. My girlfriend was in the room, and for most of the evening I'd been make jokes at her expense. Not only this, but I didn't think to treat as a lady - I simply treated her as an object. I was very tired, and not running on all cylinders, but that is no excuse.
When I realized how I was treating her, I knew that I didn't need to be there- I wasn't going to do any better by staying there. So, I simply said "Goodnight, all." and went into my bedroom, and shut the door. Soon thereafter, I went to bed, but not without thinking about how I was going to apologize to her.
The next day, I didn't get the chance to talk to her until after a bible study we both attend in the evening. Afterwards, I explained to her that I was tired, but that was no excuse. I apologized, and asked her forgiveness. I committed to be more aware of my words and actions, and asked her to help improve me by gently pointing out my weaknesses. She accepted the apology and agreed to help me improve.
The moral of the story is this: No man is too big to say "I'm sorry." And no gentleman says "I'm sorry" unless he truly means it.
Guys, be mindful of your actions, and don't blow the "little stuff" off - if you were wrong, apologize. To whoever. Not just your parents, not just your friends, not just your girlfriend - to whoever you hurt by your actions or words.
A man not only admits his mistakes, but works incredibly hard to correct them. So, fellas, take time this week to think about what you might have said or done that hurt someone, that you haven't apologized for. And after that, apologize - and mean it.
Signing off,
The Gentlemanly Doofus
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
