As regular readers and friends will realize, much of the content of this blog, although meant to be thought-provoking and instructional, is based off of what God is currently teaching and convicting me of. To write any other way would probably lead to unwise, questionable posts. This post is not exactly like my others, in that this is something that I do not fully know, but desire to. With that in mind, please consider the following.
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” – Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)
In this passage, we are told in the simplest way that a wife is a good thing. God favors those who find a wife because He pleasures to see man not be alone (Gen. 2:18). God created man and woman so that they complement each other; in personality and in body. He could have not created woman, and simply provided that help and companionship that man need through Himself. He didn’t, though, in His good pleasure, and we must understand that before we search for a wife.
So, now we know that a wife is a good thing; and God is pleased when a man finds a wife. Next, we must understand, at least in a basic sense, what marriage is. Marriage, as many would define it, is simply a relationship between a man and a woman (though even that is called into question in our day and age) that has social and legal ramifications. That definition is too basic. Marriage is a covenantal relationship between a man and a woman that God ordained from Creation for our benefit and His glory. Let’s pick that apart:
Covenantal relationship: More than just social and legal, or even emotional and physical, marriage brings two people together in a special way that unites their beings. Marriage is not between JUST a man and a woman, but is a covenant with God. Understanding this is essential to a healthy and Godly marriage.
God ordained: Marriage is NOT a social construct that man came up with; it is God’s way of providing man with what he needs (woman) and a woman with she needs (man). He ordained it (see Genesis 2:24) and therefore we must accept His definition and idea of marriage, not ours.
We benefit: Scripture paints a picture of how much a wife blesses a husband, and visa-versa. To touch the tip of the iceberg, ask a married couple how they have been blessed and benefited through marriage.
He is glorified: God is glorified through marriage in many ways, but one is the way that our marriages paint a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is a sanctifying process in many ways, but one way is that it helps us to understand the relationship between Christ and the Church.
For more on marriage itself, talk to your pastor, your parents, and the married couples of your church. For reading, I suggest starting with “I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah” by Ravi Zacharias and “What the Bible Teaches About Marriage” by Anthony Salvaggio.
So, to review thus far, we know that a wife is a good thing, and what marriage is. The next part is much trickier and cannot be covered in one blog post, so I will try to break it up over several posts: How to Find a Wife. There is no step-by-step guide to finding a wife, so don’t expect one, but there are principles evident in the Bible to guide us, and there are basic steps to get us started. A good place to start is to know what to look for in a wife. That will be the next post, though.
Until next time(which will be sooner than 3 months…),
-The Gentle Doofus
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Friday, September 24, 2010
Being Content in Singleness
Ah, to be content. When you think about it, it doesn't matter what problems or deficiencies there are in your life if you're content. No food? Not a problem if you're content (and not hungry). No money? No sweat- you didn't feel the desire to buy anything anyways. The list can go on, but contentment with our current situation is a very good thing.
***Below is one of my usual notes of caution...so, caution!***
Contentment is a good thing, as stated above, but we shouldn't be content with mediocrity. If we have sin in our lives, we ought to seek to erase it by the power of the Holy Spirit within us. Saying that we're content to keep sinning is like saying that the knife in our heart doesn't bother us much - it's ridiculous! So, again, the pursuit of holiness (as in the book by John Piper) shouldn't be something we decide to be content in.
***End of note of caution***
What about relationships, though? Can you honestly say that you're content being single, or that you were content being single? Not many people can. Society and culture surround us with romance novels, movies, celebrity romance- romance is everywhere! Since our culture DOES have an effect on us, whether we want it to or not, we tend to each be romantic. Now, this is expressed in different ways for different people; i.e., most guys don't draw hearts and cupids in diaries. The point is, it's not easy to be happily single amidst our culture.
Contentment in our singleness stems from three things; trust in God's plan, seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ, and a realization that once our singleness ends, it ain't coming back.
Trusting in God's plan is something seen throughout the Bible. Jeremiah 29:11 gives it to us straight from God: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." What a promise! A future and a hope is something I can't promise myself, but God can promise AND deliver! What a relief to know that the God of the Universe has our best interest at his heart! David says in Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." When you're afraid of never-ending singleness, or of a broken heart, place your trust in God alone, and the dividends will never cease.
Seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ is something many people miss while in a state of singleness- I know I did. Paul, in I Corinthians 7, tells us that, " I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided... I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (v. 32-34a, 35) While we are single, we have the chance to be undivided in our devotion to the Lord - something we won't have once we are married. Paul goes on later to say that to marry is good, but to stay single is better. That's another debate, but it's easy to see the freedom that comes with singleness.
Also in the seventh chapter of First Corinthians, Paul speaks of divorce, and how it should be avoided. A verse that you'll hear at almost every Christian wedding is, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."(Mathew 19:6b) Unless the most extreme circumstances occur, we are to stay married for LIFE. Not until we "don't love him/her anymore" but until "death do us part". Once you're not single (aka MARRIED), you'll not be single again, God willing. Appreciate your singleness while you've got it.
Be content in your singleness! Trust in God's plan, use this time without distractions to seek God and prepare for his calling for you, and enjoy it!
-The GentleDoofus
***Below is one of my usual notes of caution...so, caution!***
Contentment is a good thing, as stated above, but we shouldn't be content with mediocrity. If we have sin in our lives, we ought to seek to erase it by the power of the Holy Spirit within us. Saying that we're content to keep sinning is like saying that the knife in our heart doesn't bother us much - it's ridiculous! So, again, the pursuit of holiness (as in the book by John Piper) shouldn't be something we decide to be content in.
***End of note of caution***
What about relationships, though? Can you honestly say that you're content being single, or that you were content being single? Not many people can. Society and culture surround us with romance novels, movies, celebrity romance- romance is everywhere! Since our culture DOES have an effect on us, whether we want it to or not, we tend to each be romantic. Now, this is expressed in different ways for different people; i.e., most guys don't draw hearts and cupids in diaries. The point is, it's not easy to be happily single amidst our culture.
Contentment in our singleness stems from three things; trust in God's plan, seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ, and a realization that once our singleness ends, it ain't coming back.
Trusting in God's plan is something seen throughout the Bible. Jeremiah 29:11 gives it to us straight from God: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." What a promise! A future and a hope is something I can't promise myself, but God can promise AND deliver! What a relief to know that the God of the Universe has our best interest at his heart! David says in Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." When you're afraid of never-ending singleness, or of a broken heart, place your trust in God alone, and the dividends will never cease.
Seizing the opportunity to grow in Christ is something many people miss while in a state of singleness- I know I did. Paul, in I Corinthians 7, tells us that, " I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided... I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." (v. 32-34a, 35) While we are single, we have the chance to be undivided in our devotion to the Lord - something we won't have once we are married. Paul goes on later to say that to marry is good, but to stay single is better. That's another debate, but it's easy to see the freedom that comes with singleness.
Also in the seventh chapter of First Corinthians, Paul speaks of divorce, and how it should be avoided. A verse that you'll hear at almost every Christian wedding is, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."(Mathew 19:6b) Unless the most extreme circumstances occur, we are to stay married for LIFE. Not until we "don't love him/her anymore" but until "death do us part". Once you're not single (aka MARRIED), you'll not be single again, God willing. Appreciate your singleness while you've got it.
Be content in your singleness! Trust in God's plan, use this time without distractions to seek God and prepare for his calling for you, and enjoy it!
-The GentleDoofus
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Fellowship and Fella’ship
As technology and culture has changed, so has the way we relate to others. Gone are days where people will sit around a porch and just chat – just because they wanted to know about each other. Now facebook, MySpace, and twitter have reduced time with people to “social networking.” By viewing someone’s profile, you can find out in 20 seconds what used to take 20 minutes. Great, right? Now you “know” them, so it’s much easier to enjoy your “friendship”! Wrong. You don’t know someone until you spend time with them. I don’t care who you are, spending time with someone is the only way to really get to know who they are.
Before I dive in, a disclosure: I’m not against social networking – in the global age that we are in, it’s very useful to be able to connect with people halfway around the world via facebook. I have facebook, but it’s not the perfect means to an end. Rather, it’s a tool – nothing more. I’ll mention facebook more than anything from here on out, since that’s what I’m familiar with.
How many of your friends on facebook have profile pictures that aren’t even of them? That just goes to show that a profile can be created to show who they are, or who they want you to see. People can be as real or as fake as they want to be on facebook, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. If you meet someone face to face, it’s much harder to give a false impression of who you are. Possible yes, but they’ll at least know what you look like (unless you wear masks all day…).
So, there is a need, I think, for real fellowship: spending time with other people and enjoying each other as God created you – which isn’t as a page on the internet. Fellowship can be defined as spending time within or without a worship context enjoying other people as a group of believers. In Acts 2:42, fellowship is listed along with prayer, teaching, and breaking of bread (eating). Sounds a lot like church, right? Well, fellowship can and should be a part of church, but it is not necessarily always within the service.
I encourage you to think about the amount of time you spend alone; by alone, I mean the times when you are awake yet not interacting with other people (and facebook chat doesn’t really count). Most people would be surprised at the amount of time they spend around others, but still alone. Instead of spending time alone, spend time fellowshipping with others! You’ll grow, be encouraged, and have lifelong friends.
Now I’m going to focus in one group that is hopefully reading this blog: guys. You may have noticed the second half of the title: “Fella’ship”. Guys, no matter your age, marital status, or occupation, you need guy time. In Genesis, God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so he created woman. Great! Still, there are some things – trials, joys, hobbies, etc., that women just don’t understand.
The best example of what we need as guys is a Jonathan to our David. David and Jonathan were as close as two guys can get in a biblical way. Fiercely loyal, encouraging, and honest with each other, these two guys knew what it means to have a friend. And it wasn’t any simplistic facebook friendship, either. After Jonathan died at the hands of the Philistines, David wrote a lament (2 Samuel 1:25-27). “…your live to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.” What a bold statement! Two guys who loved each other as God intended – a deep brotherly love that even marriage cannot fill! Is there a friend in your life who you could write that of? If you answered no, why not? What’s keeping you from creating deep lasting friendships that surpass (in some ways) the relationship of your girlfriend or wife?
Whether it’s coffee every week, a men’s breakfast, bible study, or just eating lunch a couple of days a week, take the opportunities provided to enjoy fella’ship – the deep, real fellowship that can only be found within the context of men.
Before I dive in, a disclosure: I’m not against social networking – in the global age that we are in, it’s very useful to be able to connect with people halfway around the world via facebook. I have facebook, but it’s not the perfect means to an end. Rather, it’s a tool – nothing more. I’ll mention facebook more than anything from here on out, since that’s what I’m familiar with.
How many of your friends on facebook have profile pictures that aren’t even of them? That just goes to show that a profile can be created to show who they are, or who they want you to see. People can be as real or as fake as they want to be on facebook, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. If you meet someone face to face, it’s much harder to give a false impression of who you are. Possible yes, but they’ll at least know what you look like (unless you wear masks all day…).
So, there is a need, I think, for real fellowship: spending time with other people and enjoying each other as God created you – which isn’t as a page on the internet. Fellowship can be defined as spending time within or without a worship context enjoying other people as a group of believers. In Acts 2:42, fellowship is listed along with prayer, teaching, and breaking of bread (eating). Sounds a lot like church, right? Well, fellowship can and should be a part of church, but it is not necessarily always within the service.
I encourage you to think about the amount of time you spend alone; by alone, I mean the times when you are awake yet not interacting with other people (and facebook chat doesn’t really count). Most people would be surprised at the amount of time they spend around others, but still alone. Instead of spending time alone, spend time fellowshipping with others! You’ll grow, be encouraged, and have lifelong friends.
Now I’m going to focus in one group that is hopefully reading this blog: guys. You may have noticed the second half of the title: “Fella’ship”. Guys, no matter your age, marital status, or occupation, you need guy time. In Genesis, God said that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, so he created woman. Great! Still, there are some things – trials, joys, hobbies, etc., that women just don’t understand.
The best example of what we need as guys is a Jonathan to our David. David and Jonathan were as close as two guys can get in a biblical way. Fiercely loyal, encouraging, and honest with each other, these two guys knew what it means to have a friend. And it wasn’t any simplistic facebook friendship, either. After Jonathan died at the hands of the Philistines, David wrote a lament (2 Samuel 1:25-27). “…your live to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women.” What a bold statement! Two guys who loved each other as God intended – a deep brotherly love that even marriage cannot fill! Is there a friend in your life who you could write that of? If you answered no, why not? What’s keeping you from creating deep lasting friendships that surpass (in some ways) the relationship of your girlfriend or wife?
Whether it’s coffee every week, a men’s breakfast, bible study, or just eating lunch a couple of days a week, take the opportunities provided to enjoy fella’ship – the deep, real fellowship that can only be found within the context of men.
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